Watch Me burn (on hold)

I sat on my bathroom floor crying my heart out and looking at the blood flowing from my wrists. I was too dead to even care that my mom and my friends were pounding on the door to get inside. I didn't care about anything anymore; I wanted it all to end. I want my life to reverse back to that moment that started all of this. But, the real fact is you can't reverse time. So I might as well reverse the story, and show you how this all began.

“Hey Hailey!” My best friends Lynn and  Lucas called behind me as I left class for lunch. I looked back and saw those two running towards me.

"Hey guys!" I said as I high fived both of them. I love those two as if I was blood related to them. They’re like my brother and sister.

"You left this in history." Lynn handed me my journal.

"Oh, my God!! Lynn! You saved my life! I would’ve died if I lost this!" I squealed in relief to her. 

I gave her a hug. The reason why I was so relieved , was 'cause my journal had all my secrets written in it, everything that has been happening to me. Lynn just saved my high school reputation for me. If Rachel found this, I'd be dead. It would be like an episode of Pretty Little Liars. Only Rachel would be A....
We headed for the cafeteria; I looked around the cafe and saw everyone had already been divided into their little cliques. There were the jocks and cheerleaders sitting together; making out of course, the plastics... as Lindsay Lohan would say it, the computer geeks, and some outcasts that didn’t really eat at the cafe. I turned my head to the lunch lady and smiled as I grabbed three red trays.

"What do you think will be for lunch today?" I asked, with a huge smile on my face.

"Chinese!" Lucas said with a smile. 

"Excuse me!" said a really familiar snotty voice, and she just cut in front of us while giving us dirty looks, as if we didn’t belong in the lunch line.

"Rachel, what's with you and cutting in line?" I asked. She looked back at us and talked to us as if we were garbage cans put out on the curb. 

"Oh I'm sorry! I didn't realize this was the loser line!" She snickered. I heard Chris mumble ‘bitch’ under his breath. 

"Oh, Rachel. Did I mention I love your skirt? I thought saw the exact same one....on PetFashion.com!" I said as we got back in our old spot in line. Lynn and Chris burst out laughing, so did a few people from the nearest lunch table.

Rachel narrowed her eyes at me and then strutted off towards her lunch table.

I overheard her talk to Kate and Cassie. "What's up with that punk bitch? It's like she's a total guy! Look at her! Seems like her she gets her clothes from that hobos trash can!"

The last comment made me feel weird. Am I seriously a boy? I look at my Nirvana tee, baggy jeans and converse. 
Do I actually look like a boy? Why does Rachel have to be beautiful, yet super mean? Can’t she be nice and beautiful, or all beautiful girls bitches? I saw her and her gang strut up to the jocks table and sit down there. She gave me this evil look and turned back to flirting with Jake, the football captain. I knew he secretly had a crush on me since middle school, I bet he was just with Rachel too keeping up the 'jock's date cheerleaders’ thing.

She kissed him, and I mumbled, “As if I care.” He wasn't even cute.  

Lynn, Lucas and I sat down at our regular lunch table. I started to pick at my slice of pizza, but I couldn't get the thought of me looking like a boy out of my head. I looked up from the table to see Lynn staring at Lucas as usual. She's totally in love with him, and Lucasdoesn't even have a clue.

After a long day of never-ending school we went home. Lynn said she would call me later and Chris said he would text me. I walked home and saw my mom in the living room with my older brother Josh sitting on the couch. My mom was giving him the evil glare.

"Hey mom!" I greeted my mother. Then I turned to Josh, and laughed.

"What did you do now?" I asked him.

"None of your business, loser!" He snapped at me. I still laughed. Josh never actually means what he says, except on the odd occasion. 

"You’re such a jerk!" I yelled and I ran up the stairs before he could catch me. I lock my door, just incase, and I laid my backpack down next to my Fender Strat and looked in the mirror. Do I really look like a boy? I analyzed how I look. I connected my iPod to my stereo and turned it on. No Way but The Hard Way by Airbourne, perfect. 
Not to brag;but I'm kind of rich. My mom is a surgeon, and my dad owns a record company. He doesn’t live with us though. He’s always out because of business and. I looked around my room. Posters filled the walls and on the ceiling, a huge poster of Kurt Cobain! It felt like he was staring at me whenever I layed down on my bed. Wait a minute, he does stare at me.


Well the truth about Rachel is, that I was new in the 7th grade and Rachel was my first friend. She was there for me and we made friends with Lynn. But then everything changed like a blur. Well, the memory is a blur. Our friendship died quickly, she ended up turning on us and she spent months and months bullying Lynn, so Lynn hates her and took a swing at her in 8th grade. But I lost a friend; I put my hands over my head and screamed.

This is so confusing. If I become like Rachel, I lose Lynn and Lucas. If I stay the same, Rachel keeps on hating me. I wish I could have it both ways. I got up and looked at my reflection in my full-length mirror and saw a 16 year old girl in eyeliner, combat boots, skinny jeans and a Nirvana tee. I grabbed my bag and headed downstairs.

"Mom, I'm going shopping." I drove to Fairview Mall and went to H&M. 
Hmm, now what looks really girly? I chose this pair of short shorts, a strapless tee and a white extremely light cardigan. Total was $150. The store was already on sale! I paid and headed towards Aldo. I found these cute pair heels I'd never wear before which were adorable and they came in my size! I also found these amazing bracelets at Tiffany. I paid for it and it was $249. Expensive, yet worth it! I headed to Apple Store and got a new skin for my iPhone, $14. After the trip I checked my wallet. $49 left. I giggled at the amount of money I had. 
I sped off to the highway, listening to ‘Highway to Hell’ I thought for a moment and turned my car around to Yorkdale Mall. I hit a couple of shops and finally bought a few things. I got some really cute boots from there. I drove home and laid out my new clothes on my bed.

"Hailey, sweetheart! Dinner's ready!" My mom called from downstairs. I looked at the clock. 9:30pm already? Wow, late dinner. 

After dinner, I decided what I would wear tomorrow and put them out. 
I took a hot bath, and went to bed. I woke up to my alarm clock and got up thinking about what might happen today. I took a shower and straightened my hair. I put on pink eye shadow and black fluid liner. I got into my outfit and sprinkled Chanel perfume. I walked out to my car so nobody could see me. I thought since I missed breakfast, I could pick something out from the vending machines at school.

As I walked up the steps to my school, I heard people whisper, "Is that Hailey?"

"Damn! Who is that hottie!?" I smiled and went to my locker. As I went there, I saw Rachel and Jake making out in front of Jake's locker. I passed them and they looked at me. Jake immediately stopped kissing her, and I saw his jaw drop. I giggled. 

I went up to my locker and found Lynn and Lucas hanging out there. When Lynn looked at me her smile faded, and Lucas's jaw dropped open. I could tell he thought I looked really good, this made Lynn furious.

"What the fuck are you wearing?" she yelled.

I tried the girly voice, "Umm, Im wearing a cayute outfit, honey!"

Lynn glared, "Don't honey me!" 

"Hailey, this isn't you!" Lucas said, trying not to yell.

"It's the new me! Get used to it, Lucas! Now if you'd excuse me, I have to get to my locker." I said plastering on a fake smile.

Lucas kept on staring at me in shock, then Lynn grabbed him by his arm and stormed out of the hallway. I felt numb. I've never had a fight with Lynn.