*Keep Quiet or Take the Risk?*
My eyes fluttered open. I found myself in my room at the Newman's house. Everything was quiet and still. It was a scary quiet making me feel completely alone.
The room was dark but not pitch black. The sun looked as if it was just beginning to set. I couldn't remember how I got here or how long I was out. I stayed laying in bed trying to remember what happened.
I remember going into the apartments meeting some man. What was his name again? Derek? Drew?
Everything that happened today began flooding back into my mind. Shame, guilt, embarrassment, and so much more began to form in the pit of my stomach. I was disgusted, I've never been touched like that n I was lucky enough to get away before he could do anything else.
My heart started to ache for the people who got sexually abused. I probably had it easy compared to others. They didn't deserve it. Nobody deserves it. Nobody deserves to be abused in any shape or form.
But why do I still feel like I deserve it? Wasn't everything my fault? "He" never forgot to remind me it was my fault. Or how ugly I was.
It still didn't make any sense why David called me "beautiful". Why would he say that to me? What did he mean by "beautiful"? The last time I checked I was just plain and ugly.
I heard a soft knock at the door distracting me from my thoughts.
"Come in." I said, my voice sounded very raspy.
Mrs. Newman walked in and sat down at the side of my bed. Her face showed sadness and sympathy.
What did they tell her?
My stomach tightened up as I waited for her to say something. I hope they didn't tell her what happened.
"How are you dear? Are you okay? Do you need anything?"
"I'm fine." I lied.
"The boys told me what happened," my stomach turned I hope they didn't tell her everything. "are you sure you're okay?" she asked again.
"Yes." I lied again.
"I just want you to know that if you ever need anything let me know," I nodded my head, "I made dinner so when you're ready come down and eat, okay?" she smiled at me.
I nodded my head again and said "Thank you." she walked out of my room and slowly and quietly shut the door.
I felt bad for not helping out with anything. I haven't even cleaned since I've been here or even made food. I've been getting so much stuff and treated nicely. I feel like I might be taking advantage. Or maybe all of this is just an act before I get treated the same way Michael treated me. The way I probably deserved to be treated.
I sat up and finally decided to get out of bed. I've already had enough of this laziness and selfishness. It didn't seem right and I knew it was just going to come back and bite me.
I turned to the right and leaned on my hand getting ready to get off the bed. As soon as I put pressure on my hands it was followed by this excruciating pain that almost caused me to scream.
The pain was so strong that it made my arm feel limp causing it to collapse. I ended up laying back down while holding my arm and hoping for the pain to go away. No matter what I tried the stinging pain would not go away. I tried moving my fingers but it wasn't a success. As if my fingers were numb.
I began to realize my other hand was hurting just the same. I couldn't remember what was causing this pain or where it came from.
I tried to bare the pain while I pulled down both of my sleeves to see the source of where this pain was coming from. Wrapped around both of my wrists were fingermarks. They were a reddish purple and had a tint of black and blue.
I never knew someones grip could be so tight that it could bruise someone like this. I lightly traced the bruise with my hand and it stung like crazy. How was I going to eat dinner without making it obvious that I was in so much pain?
I painfully pulled down the sleeves of my shirt and got out of bed without using my hands for support. I walked over to the door seeing that it was closed.
I should just suck it up and get everything over with no matter how bad it hurts. It's just pain. I should be use to it anyways. I told myself.
I put my hand on the doorknob and as I began to turn it the pain came back ten times worse. I had to use my other hand to help and after three awful seconds the door was finally opened.
I guess "sucking up the pain" didn't work out as well as I thought.
I made my way downstairs to the kitchen to see that everybody was waiting for me. It always makes me feel guilty that they have to wait for me all the time.
"Hello Amarah," Mr. Newman said, "everybody grab hands to say a prayer then we can all dig in." I walked over to the only empty chair which was right next to Nick and Ben once again.
|Logan Lerman||as Nick Newman|