My parents drove in silence, they never talk now days. This is supposed to be our new start, a place to get away from what had happened but we'll never get away from the past because they'll never forget how I ruined their lives. We were the most loved family in the town.
But you ruined it, a voice from the back of my head spoke to me, you'll never go back to loving family that had everything.
The words brought tears to my eyes, not because I had lost my family.
It was because I know that this is all my fault. I thought back to the days when me and my dad would go out on fishing trips together, I would always end up dropping the fishing rod in the water. The only reason I went with my dad was that I loved the times that I had him all to myself, when we would laugh at someone's boat that capsized. When we would get out a picnic and stay there for hours just looking at the trees glistening in the sunlight. Feeling the sway of the boat and knowing that nothing would happen to me because I knew my dad would keep me safe.
Thinking back to the times when me and mum would go out to singing lessons. I would be doing all the singing and mum would just sit there listening to me with a smile on her face, which told me that she was proud of me. We were the perfect family. The family that everyone looked at and instantly knew how close we were.
Now my family is just numb. My mum doesn't speak to me unless she has to, she doesn't even look at me when I come into a room and when I try to speak to her if I'm lucky I get is a one word answer, sometimes she just blanks me, like no one's said anything.
My dad still talks to me but it's very strianed, I feel as if I can't tell him about things, like I used to. Whenever I had a problem, I knew it was okay because my dad would know what to do, he always managed to fix my problems. He made everything better. I had my dad to fix things for me and my mum was their to make me feel better about things, wether it was about a fight with a friend or a death of my grandparents.
She could always make me laugh with her bubbly attitude, amongst her friends she was the life of the party. She always knew what looked good on you or what was a total faliure, that really helped when I went on a date or to a school dance. She was like a friend, always there through thick or thin.
I looked at her now. Her shiny blonde hair that was always thick and bouncy, now lay limply down her back in bad need for a cut. Her eyes blue-grey that always had mysterious glint in them were now empty of all emotions, they were just dull and lifeless. Her mouth that always had a permanent smile, was now just a thin line that didn't show the bubbly personality. Before everything happened she looked young enough to be my sister but now I could see faint wrinkles that hadn't beem there before and dark shadows formed beneath her eyes, showing that she wasn't getting much sleep.
My dad dosen't look the same either, his dark brown hair was now starting to turn gray and he was also starting get some bold patches. He had wrinkles forming around his blue eyes and a look of concentration was stuck on his face. He always seemed to be either thinking or pretending to concentrating on something, I knew he wasn't my dad gets bored easily which means he dosen't concentrate on one thing for a long time, he was just trying to avoid having a conversation with me as they always end up as awkward silences.
I was knocked out of my thoughts as the car spluttered to a stop outside our new house. It looked gloomy as if no one had lived there for years. The grass was over grown, there was also litter that had been chucked in, most of it was chrisp packets, beer cans and there even was a trolley that looked like it had been taken from the shop at the top of the road. As I opened the gate it made a horrible screeching noise that made me want to cover my ears.