Late Summer Rain

They say it takes time to heal a broken heart. I wonder how much time?

The white dove that always followed me appeared by my side as I was digging a hole in the sand trying to bury my pain in it. It started tweeting then dancing, motioning me to chase it. I followed it as it led me along the shoreline, before it suddenly stopped and began pecking something shiny in the sand. I bent down and brushed off a lot of sand before pulling the object out. It was a message in a bottle and I recognized at once whose it was.

It was Ryan’s.

Tugging the cork out, and pulling my elastic off the rolled piece of paper, I took a deep breath. I wasn’t sure if I should read it, although I had always wanted to, but what if it said things that weren’t meant for me. The dove looked at me from the ground and cocked its head as if waiting. I sat down beside it and unfolded the letter.

“Dear Dannie,” I read. “I’m writing this to you from Heaven.”

I began to cry.

It’s a nice place here so you don’t have to worry about me. I’m sure that by the time you get this, if you ever, you would have already learned the truth about me. That I have fallen in love with you, that I can give you nothing and will leave your life as quickly as I entered. It was probably selfish of me to drag you into this, but the moment you came up to me that day at lunch, I couldn’t pull myself away. I had seen you so many other times before, always walking down your own path, wearing your heart on your sleeve. I wanted to be like that.

As time passed by and we got closer, I realized that our feelings for each other were mutual and my hatred for myself grew. I knew that in reality we were actually drifting further apart from each other and that I would have no choice but to hurt you and leave you in the end.

There were times you made me stay up all night asking why I had this sort of sickness, why I couldn’t be healthy, why I couldn’t be with you, if not forever, for a little longer. Then I realized that if I didn’t have this illness, we would have never spoken to each other that day and we would have never gotten to know each other. So if someone gave me a second chance to forget everything, go back and live without the illness, I wouldn’t. I would rather have loved you, been loved by you and end our love story as a tragedy than be lovers that never loved at all. I want you to know that I don’t regret ever getting to know you and I hope you don’t either.

I hope that you don’t remember all the things we did and places we’ve been as tragic things because I don’t want you recall me as a sad memory. That’s not how I want to live inside your heart. I hope that you would remember our time together as a fun and happy memory and smile whenever you think about me, not cry. I hope you can open your heart after I leave and fall in love again, deeper and more passionate than you’ve ever loved me.

Sometimes in life Dannie, whether it’s love or just a mere friendship, we find people who have the ability to touch our hearts. They come in our lives, share something special with us and then move on to share it with someone else. I don’t know if I touched your heart Dannie, but I know you touched mine. So now you have to move on and brighten the lives of others, the way you did for me.

So promise me you won’t cry for me anymore. I want you to move on. I want you to smile, live your life to the fullest and show me that strong personality of yours that I had fallen in love with. Know that I can hear you when you talk to me. Know that I try to catch your tears when you cry. Know that I’m watching over you even if I’m not right there by your side. Lastly, know that I love you.

Thank you for making the darkest days of my life the brightest.

Forever Yours,

Ryan Proud

And I cried because this I promised him would be the very last time. I knew that I had to move on somehow, that I couldn’t linger onto his broken fragments forever.

The dove rubbed his head against my cheeks, wiping the tears that rolled down my face until the feathers on its head was wet. I stroked his wings and brought him up close to me, giving him a hug. “You should probably go too,” I said.