the last few days have been terrible. i havent left my cell unless i had to use the bathroom. other wise i just sulked on the top bunk.
why didnt he break up with me yet? does he think cheating wont hurt as much? well he is wrong there.i havent spoke to him since we got into that 'fight'. i dont know what to do with my life anymore now that he doesnt want to be a part of it.
"azlyn, get up" michonne shakes me.
"ive been up" i reply. my voice now emotionless.
"well walk around, punch a kid, just do something. you havent left this cell in days, we are worried about you" michonne says.
"i dont care" i snap
"im getting daryl and carol" within a few seconds daryl and carol are standind in my cell.
"c'mon kiddo, get up" carol says to me
"no i cant" i reply. next thing i know im off my bed and in someones arms. please be carl!!!
when i open my eyes its daryl. he places me on my feet then starts to talk.
"whats botherig you?" he asks
"nothing" i lie.
"dont lie" he says back
"im fine goddammit!" i snap and walk away.
i walk outside and sit in the dirt. im alone in this world. i then hear laughing in the distance. i turn my head to the side to see carl with that girl. carl hands the girl flowers and she blushes with a giggle. she then grabs him by the collar of his shirt and slams her lips oh his.
i can feel my world fall apart. instead of my dinouars running, they lay dead in their graves. and my heart, its gone. it has been blown to nothing. tears swell in my eyes and i keep on fighting them. my vision gets blurry and i run back into the prison without carl seeing me. i keep my head down and i talk to no one. i dont want to talk to anyone.
i run into someone but i dont care anymore
"you okay?" i hear daryl ask. and then i couldnt hold it in anymore, tears start violently flowing out of my eyes. daryl pulls me into a hug and i just cry, i cry like it hurts and well it does.
"shh, shh, calm down" daryl coos. its weird to hear him say that, he is usually tough but i guess he has a soft spot. i start calming myself down
"is everyone staring?" i ask with a snffle
"fuck yea" he replies. i laugh a bit and pull away while drying my eyes.
"you need to talk about it?" he asks
" later" i say. he does his famous nad whie squinting his eyes then he goes to rick.
rick, carls dad. NO! i need to stop thinking about him!
"hey beth!" i call and run over to her
"yes azlyn?" she replies sweetly
"can i watch judith for a bit?" i ask her
"sure, i already fed her and i just got done changing her diper" she says and hands me judith
"ok thankyou" i say as beth walks way.
i look down at the baby girl in my arms. she is so innocent, she has no idea about the hard ships ahead of her. i sit down on the floor and judith smiles up at me. a real genuine smile. i smile back and poke her nose. she giggles lightly and snuggles into me. a wave of happiness goes through me then gets covered by pain again. i look back down at her and she is fast asleep in my arms. aw she is so cute!! beth notices and rushes over and puts her in her crib.
i just sit there with my back up against the wall. my thoughts go to X. i havent thought about X is a pretty long time. to think that a year ago he was still alive. he is dead now, gone. i havent realised it until now. to think that i was the reason that he is dead. if i didnt get him mad he wouldnt have let the walkers in and he wouldnt have gotten bit.
is it my fault that carl doesnt like me anymore? all those words he said mean nothing now? im just a horrible person. maybe my father should have killed me hen he killed mom. i mean nothing, i cant do anything. i just screw everything up. why bother living anymore?
i walk over to Gabby and give her the flowers that she told me to get. she looks down and giggles. her giggle is so unattractive compared to azlyn's giggle. whats wrong with her lately? does she not like me anymore? i bet she likes dan now. what a jerk dan is, trying to steel someone else's girlfriend. i mean who does that?
before i can think of something to say, Gabby's lips are on mine. i freeze to try to think about whats happening but i panic and push her off of me.
"gabby, what? i...you...what the hell!" i freak out
"i thought you felt the same way!" she yells in defence.
"i have a girl friend!" i yell. "oh my god i cheated on her!" i gasp
"looks like you wont be together long" she says "cheater"
"you kissed me! that isnt fair, i never had feelings towards you that way!" i scream
"she doesnt know that! all that she will know is that our lips touched!" she says.