I Love You, Stupid (boyxboy)

“Because I’m in love with you!” I yelled, the vein in my neck pulsating.

He widened his eyes in surprise, his mouth slowly falling down.  I could hear the gasps of the people around us and my heart almost stopped.  I hadn’t meant to let that slip and I especially hadn’t meant to embarrass him in front of everyone.  But I couldn’t take it back now, it was too late.  My eyes searched his blank ones.  I could feel the panic rise within me as he said nothing, his face completely emotionless.

It was over.  With one last sad glance, I turned to walk away.  Monday the whole school would know about this and I would be the laughing stalk of high school.  I felt a hand on my shoulder and froze, hope reigniting within me.  I didn’t care if he didn’t return the feelings, I just wanted to know he would still be my friend.

I turned around to face him, a small smile playing at my lips.  Then suddenly his fist smashed into my jaw, sending me sprawling against the floor.  Well I guess I didn’t have to wonder about it anymore.

A few weeks earlier.

“God, she’s so hot!” I heard Taylor mutter as Sabrina Jamison walked by our lunch table.  I rolled my eyes.

“I know you’re gay, but you have to know beauty when you see it, even if girls are,” he changed his pitch to a girly tone, “icky and germy.”  He wiggled his fingers trying to act gay and I punched him in the arm.  “Hey now! Come on, that’s my throwing arm.”  He rubbed it slowly then grinned.  “Seriously though, do you see their beauty?”

I looked into Taylor’s stormy grey eyes and sighed.  “Of course I can see their beauty.  I’m not blind.”

“I just… I don’t understand how you can’t be physically attracted to these creatures.”

“They aren’t creatures, they’re woman.  Why do they go out with you again?  It certainly can’t be for your brains or manners.”  Taylor gave me a flat look.  “You know, I could ask you the same question.  How can you not see the beauty in men?”

“Ugh, Luke, that’s just gross.” Watching Taylor shudder made my chest clench.  I sure knew how to pick them, if you could even call it picking.  To me, I never had a choice.  The day I had met him was the day I had met my doom.  Doomed to walk the earth loving a boy I could never have, a boy straighter than a pin who would never even give me a thought.

“Not that you’re gross or anything,” Taylor suddenly said, interrupting my thoughts.  He thought he had offended me, how cute.

“Taylor, I have been friends with you for a long time now and you say insensitive things 24/7, yet… here I am.  So, why do you keep acting like you have to walk on eggshells around me sometimes?  I’m gay and you accept that, you’re an ass and I accept that.”

Taylor grinned, giving me a careless shrug.  “It’s habit I guess….”

“Hm,” I mumbled, standing up and grabbing my tray.  Taylor jumped up and did the same, following me to the trashcan.

 “Have you ever even tried to be with a girl?”

“Yes, Taylor.”

Taylor gripped my arm and pulled me around.  “You have?  When?  Did you like… go all the way?”

“No, I’ve never gone all the way with a girl—”

“Then how would you know if you like it or not?  You’ve never given it a real chance!”

“Because it was just… the way you feel about the idea of being with a man, I guess.”

“Wow, so… the idea of being with a girl is… disgusting?”

I cringed.  Though it was hypocritical of me, I hated the fact that Taylor thought of gayness as disgusting.  “Yeah, sure….” I mumbled, turning around and leaving the cafeteria.

“You know, if you ever wanted to make sure, there are plenty of girls here who would love to go out with you, gay or not.”

“Not interested.”  I stopped walking and opened my locker as Taylor leaned against his.

“Coach said that practice is going to run late today,” he informed me as he turned around and opened his own locker.

“I’ll wait for you.”