Hey guys!! These are so funny- read them, and pass on to other friends!
Be OPTIMISTIC... all the people you hate are eventually going to die!!
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much
Con is the opposite of pro, so Congress the opposite of progress
Heaven kicked me out. Hell is afraid I'll take over.
Dont upset me im running out of places to put the bodies.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
Sometimes I Wonder, "Why is that frisbee getting bigger?" and then it hits me!!
The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!
Jamie is like a slinkie... basically useless.. but yet so amusing to watch him fall down stairs!!
Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and you LOSE that it's weird.
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
The voices in my head are telling me I will get back to you as soon as they are done with me.
One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!
Dream as if you will live forever, Live as if its ur last day.
LIFE is too SHORT to WAKE UP in the morning with REGRETS. So LOVE the people who TREAT you RIGHT, FORGET about the ones who DON'T. BELIEVE that EVERYTHING happens for a REASON. If you get a CHANCE, TAKE IT. If it changes your LIFE than LET IT. NOBODY said it'd be EASY, they just PROMISED that it'd be WORTH IT!
RANDOM FACTS I PICKED UP
Quite Random Thingies-ma-jiggies (Random Facts About Me)
My favorite word is sarcasm
I'm the kinda girl who gets fired from the M&M factory for throwing out the Ws.
Keeping A Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3 Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4 .Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your=2 0Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
Take Time To Read Each Sentence
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is howcat
This is to cat
This is keepcat
This is a cat
This is retardcat
This is busycatThis isfor cat
This is forty cat
This is secondscat
Now read the THIRD word of every line. X
I don't mean to be offensive--i just found this and i think it is very funny--i myself=2 0being blonde can understand the hardship we blondes must face--aw well--that's life--it sucks!!
Here's a joke...
there are 3 men who need to get across a lake...
the 1st one prays to God asking for the strength to get across...
he gets big muscles and swims across...
but almost dies 5 times...
the 2nd 1 prays to God for the strength and the tools he needs to get across...
he gets his big muscles and boat and rows across...
but he almost dies 3 times...
the 3rd 1 prays to God, for the strength, tools, and the brains...
he turns into a woman...
walks 4 yards...
and crosses the bridge
A Blonde Joke
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Two Brazilian men have died in a skydiving accident."
The blonde starts crying and sobs to her husband, "That's horrible, so many men dying that way!"