upside down

chapter fifteen

date:6/23/2013 time: 3:40pm

dear journal,

I'm sorry I haven't written to you in awhile I'm sure you missed me. I've been in the hospital for awhile now. But today I get to go home! Jake had to go home a couple days ago, it sucks not having him around anymore he always made me smile. Not that the boys don't make me happy. Jake just knew everything about me. All of my trauma all the things that make me upset. The boys don't know any of it and I've tried to tell them, but it's hard to relive it. I'm still not happy, I still wanna die, but not yet, not till I find out who my family is. I just want my family. The boys are family, but they're not my real family.

-gotta blast

sky

i finished my entry and shoved my notebook into my backpack. I finished getting dressed before laying back down and scrolling through Twitter. The boys had cancelled five shows just to be with me, even though I told them not to. This made a lot of fans mad, they're also mad because the boys released an official statement that they had adopted me, hence why they were taking time off to be with me. So most of my Twitter feed was hate, so much fucking hate. I couldn't stand to look at it anymore. I closed the app as all of the boys walked in.

"Ready to go doll face?" Niall asked helping me stand up

"As ready as I'll ever be." I rolled my eyes

"Do you want to come with us to the concert tonight? We were gonna cancel but management is pissed at us." Zayn asked

"I told you boys not to cancel." I face palmed "but sure I'd love to go with you. But I need to shower, and put real clothes on." I said looking down at my baggy T-shirt and sweats. "You boys really know how to dress a girl." I laughed

"No need to insult our fashion sense." Liam said dramatically we got into the van that was waiting outside and drove back to the same hotel that we were staying at before.

"Do you need help getting ready?" Louis asked, ever since the incident the boys have been up my ass, not that I blame them but I needed some space.

"I'll manage by myself." I said inserting my key card to the door

"Are you sure?" Harry asked I rolled my eyes stepping inside my room and closing the door. Everything looked the same yet so different, the maids had come in and made my bed but all my clothes were still thrown everywhere. I walked into the bathroom, it reeked of bleach and disinfectant. But not a trace of blood was found. it was almost as if i had never hurt myself on the floor of this bathroom. but i did, i fucked up and i almost died. it was almost like a month ago none of this ever happened.

I walked into my bedroom and found Jake's favorite sweatshirt perfectly folded on the bed. With a note attached:

I Love you so much Skyler keep this for when you have your bad nights and remember I'm only a call away

I smile and bring the fabric to my face and inhale his scent. That may sound really weird but I swear it's not. The smell of him makes me happy. I set it back down on my bed before getting in the shower, getting rid of the hospital smell. Once I'm finished I get out and get dressed in black ripped skinny jeans and a t shirt I slip on Jake's sweatshirt. I turn on some music and do my makeup. I'm almost finished when there's a knock on my door. I roll my eyes knowing it's one of the boys, I make my way to the door and open it to see Zayn.

"Hey small fry you okay? We haven't heard from you." I rolled my eyes

"I was getting ready to go I didn't know you needed a play by play." I grab my phone and bag before locking my door and following Zayn

"We're just worried about you."

"I understand but it's becoming suffocating." We got into the van and I put my headphones in for the car ride.

Once we reached the arena, the boys had to do mic check and all that other stuff to get ready. I sat in the back room and played with Lux for awhile until I became bored. I got up and decided to walk around for a bit. I never realized how busy it was people were running around and yelling. I walked up to the side of the stage and saw all the boys sitting on the couch on stage. Zayn saw me from the side and smiled at me, waved back to him before continuing my adventure. I found my way back to Zayn's dressing room, put my headphones in and curled up on the couch. I was prescribed with happy pills, I like to call them. But they make me really drowsy, i suppose that's better then feeling like shit all the time. I close my eyes and let sleep take over.

I woke up to someone shaking me, I opened my eyes and saw a boy I had never seen before. That scared the shit out of me so naturally I screamed

"Yo I'm sorry!" He said backing up. "I didn't mean to scare you but the boys told me to wake you up."

"Who the hell are you? Where are the boys?" I sat up

"Well I'm Kyle. I'm one of the merch guys, the boys are finishing up their meet and greet." He said I stood up gathering my things

"Wait! I've met you! Like a couple weeks ago! You tried to hit on me! Since when have you been a merch guy?"

"I'm new." He said while jumping to sit on the desk in the corner.

"Well uh.. gotta blast." I said and basically ran out of the room. That was low key awkward

"Wait!" I heard Kyle yell behind me "the boys told me to take you to them." He said and ran up next to me

"Oh, uh okay." We walked silently next to each other, he led me to the boys meet and greet and sat with me until they finished "so like how old are you?"

"I just turned twenty last week. What about you?"

"Well happy late birthday. Eighteen as of last month." I smiled. Soon the boys came back and we got ready to go home. when we finally made it back to the hotel i ordered myself some room service before face-timing Jake. we talked for a couple hours before i passed out on the phone with him.

--

so im obviously rewriting this story and i was really happy with it at first but i also wrote it when i was like 13 so i'm trying to make this story better, im sorry that im taking forever but im also not sure if anyone is still reading this