My Pro Ana Diary

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I wasn't always this depressed, sad, lonely, and I didn't hate myself this much. Ana is a horrible

thing, but Ana will give me the perfection I want. Warning this story is no fairy tale, but it is the true struggles i

am going through with my journey with Ana. This story will contain my diary entries and my food log.

Day 1 of Ana

Dear Diary,

Today I had a calorie limit of 500. This morning my parents forced me to eat some cereal which was 120

calories . They have no clue of the dark path I'm going down. As my energy started decreasing from the strict

exercise i had to eat an orange to get my metabolism up. Then at supper I had enough calories left to eat one

taco. It might've filled me up but I felt so guilty for eating it. Ana is not only an eating disorder but also a

psychological disorder. It's already taking a toll on my mind and it's only day one of this very long journey.

Nobody cares about you unless you're pretty or skinny or dead. If it takes me dying to be skinny then I will

just have to die to become perfect.

Day 2 of Ana

Dear Diary,

Today I had a calorie limit of 500 again. But I failed at eating 500 or less. I had milk, cauliflower, and a

bacon ranch salad because I was forced to eat. With the bacon ranch salad not satisfying my hunger I ate damn

greasy French fries. I went over my calorie limit by a lot and I just couldn't handle that emotionally. So with my

mind going crazy i turned the shower water on high, lifted up the toilet seat, stuck a finger down my throat, and

threw up all those disgusting French fries. I ended up hating myself even more for making myself throw up

Making yourself can harm your body very badly and I don't recommend anybody do it to themselves.

Day 3 of Ana

Dear Diary,

Today is my third day of being pro ana... I hate my body. I want to die. I wonder if cutting would help

ease the hunger pains? Today I had ice cream, meatballs, and three oranges. I HATE myself for eating that ice

cream and three oranges. Tomorrow I am going to fast cause I feel so FAT!! Which I already am fat!! I HATE my

body!! I want to self harm so bad, but mommy and daddy would be able to see my scars... I need more self

control over what I eat. I will be skinny!! I will look damn good in a bikini, Cheerleading outfit, and dance

costume!! I am FAT and fat is UGLY and GROSS and SKINNY is BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT!! I will be

perfect even if it takes me dying in the end to get there!! Skinny and dead is better than fat and alive.

This is what society has done to anybody who doesn't have perfect everything.

Day 4 of Ana

Dear Diary,

Well today I lost another pound. I still feel really fat though, I have 21 pounds to go to get to my goal weight of 80 pounds. Today i had cherry tomatoes, ice-cream, and ramen noodles. I definitely shouldn't have eaten that ice cream even though I'm under my daily calorie limit of 400 on my A.B.C. Diet. For those of you who don't know what the A.B.C. Diet is it originally called the Ana Boot Camp Diet. I do not recommend this diet to ANYONE. It is not safe and will sometimes end up in death at the end if the diet. I hope I don't get sick or pass out because of the lack of food because I think my mother is onto me becoming Ana. I need to remind myself to stop telling her what I've eaten for the day, and if she asks I need to lie about what I've ate and be able to back it up (or being able to hide the food I pretend to eat). Tomorrow I'm going to have to hide from my parent that I'm gonna skip supper because I have a 100 calorie limit tomorrow. It's gonna be really hard but now I have green tea to drink instead of just plain iced water. Thank goodness the great tea in only 0 calories. Yayy!! I hope I have the self control to not eat over my 100 calorie limit!! If anybody out there is reading this please pray for me and my journey with Ana. I just have to remember that I'm going to the beach soon and I want to be ale to look good in a bikini or a bathing suit at all!! I want to be skinny so bad!! EVERYTHING looks good on skinny and NOTHING looks good on fat!! I just have to stay strong and ill be skinny soon enough!! :')