Emerald Eyes

Chapter 25.

I couldn't decide on what song to use for this chapter. It's a tie between two. So, please listen to  both of them and tell me in the comments which one you think is better for the mood of the chapter.       http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkuypwKUX2Y          and            http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5YWeTRt6Hk

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                Lucas had been my life raft. And now that had sunk, I was drowning.

                In the week that had passed since Lucas had cheated on me, I had cut twelve separate times. Everything just seemed like it was crashing down on me in vicious waves. My mom left for New York around the same time, so she was just gone. Alyssa still had not woken up. In fact, yesterday she had crashed. The doctors had been able to get her stable again, but now they said there was a slight chance of mild amnesia.

                My dad had had us visit my grandfather’s grave several times that week, which just made me feel worse. Not only because of the reminder that I would never see my granddad again – which actually did hurt, even though we hadn’t been particularly close, he was still my grandfather  – But it also made me feel horrible for being so depressed. I mean, my dad had it way worse. He was the one actually going through the divorce, and it was his dad that had died. I was just acting like a spoiled brat, whining about my poor life. 
                And of course, that realization made me feel even worse and get more depressed.

                And I had seen Lucas at school every single day. Harley had been hanging on him each time. And he didn’t even look like he minded. God, he wasn’t affected at all. He didn’t even care. That cut deeper than the razor ever did.

                Eventually, Lucas stopped calling. He stopped texting. He stopped caring.

                The only things keeping me alive were Ryan and Jackie. They’d stepped in and were helping me. They were keeping me alive, but just barely.

                The deep cuts on my stomach that I had made when I caught Lucas cheating still were not healed. In fact, they had barely scabbed. Every time I moved, they broke open and had to re-heal. I was starting to get worried. I stayed cautious, reapplying healing ointment and replacing the gauze every few hours, but I was starting to realize that these cuts were so much more serious than anything I’d made before or even since.

                And I was losing my tenuous grip on everything. With every shove from the cheerleaders, every visit to the hospital or my grandfather’s grave, every night I spent without talking to Lucas, I slipped a little more. I was losing it and I wasn’t sure what would happen if something didn’t change and soon.

                I was sitting on my bed when I first heard it. I was doing homework and trying to ignore the persistent throbbing of my poor, torn-up stomach. Some noise, almost sounding like music, filtered in through my window.

                After the noise persisted for twenty minutes, I stood up and went over to my window. As I got closer, the music – for that’s what it was – got louder. Peeking out, I say Lucas in my backyard, playing violin. What the hell was he doing?

                I had no idea what to do. I didn’t want to go talk to him, but what was he doing here? Was he just going to play under my window all night? At that thought, I recognized the song just as he finished as swept into another one.