The reality of twilight

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'I love you Edward Cullen' said Bella, her heart pounding as she stared at his eyes like she did every other page without fail.

'I love you to' he said, catching her as she gracefully fell over a beetle. But Edward, who ruined everything, caught her so she didn't die.

'I want to marry you, then we can have sex' she said.

Edward didn't voice his opinions about how forward that was, or that he would break her pelvis, or that because he was one hundred and seven he had erectile dysfunction. Instead he just kissed her.

Then the police came and arrested him because, come on, he was ninety years older than her and it was all a bit dodgy and illegal. The end.

(You know that was better than Steohenie's Meyer's ending. You know it.)

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⏰ Last updated: Sep 09, 2009 ⏰

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