THE CHAPPIE AWARDS - REVIEWS

Unknown to Anyone. Chapter - 1.

Genre:

Teen Fiction.

Short Summary of the Story:

Lucy was a trouble-maker when she was little always garnering attention from her family and friends. But now, at fourteen, she has lost her self confidence alongwith her friends and nobody truly knows her anymore.

Short Summary of the Chapter:

This chapter introduces Lucy and the change her life has undergone, from being paid attention to ..to being ignored and lonely. The prologue includes a short flashback while the chapter describes her frustration and pain. It ends off with an attempted suicide.

Review:

  As a writer, one's main aim is to make the readers relate to the character and the various transitions it undergoes. Sadly, as a reader I couldn't really do so. The chapter was meant to provoke strong emotions of despair and helplessness. If Lucy is depressed to the extent of attempting suicide, why isn't the reader moved to the extent of empathising and connecting to her? Her thoughts sound more like a rant in a daily diary. And if she has never shown any negative emotion, why is she ignored and hated? The prologue was meant to give an insight into her past and the idea behind it was relevant. But the way it was written was a drag, with no clarity of thought. So the base point here is: Engage the reader.

  The redeeming factor of the chapter is it's end. I exceedingly enjoyed the last six sentences. They were very well written and induced a feeling of curious anticipation. 

Suggestions to the writer:

   Correct your grammatical errors. Also I noticed tense changes in a lot of places. A tense has to be maintained in a story and not variate it between past and the present tense.

Some of the corrected sentences:

eg. She had always tagged along with him, by his side, never wanting to leave him alone...

       Lucy felt as if no one....cared about her.

       Her mom didn't pay any attention....she hated.

Always complete your sentences. I particularly suggest you to change the last line to:

Drawing in a deep breath, she opened her eyes.

That would make a better cliffhanger.

Final Verdict:

** out of *****.