Abuela

so i wrote this for one of my classes once as a "memorable moment" and i lost the paper so i felt like writing it again on here. kinda liked the other version more :T

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i didn't know my grandmother very much. i only saw her every summer for about a month in Mexico, she would take care of my cousins who were left by their mother to come to America. if i were to describe her personality in one word it would be bitter. she would yell and get easily angry and acted like everything was everyone elses fault even if it was hers. i remember once when i was small and she decided to point out to all my cousins my underwear. no matter how much i denied it and hoped she would get the point she kept pushing it.

my last memory of her would rather be left forgotten, i didn't stand at her bedside and ask her if she needed any help. i didn't sit next to her in a chair and tell her about my day. i didn't go anywhere near her for almost my whole stay in Mexico. i didn't, because those whole 2 weeks i didn't hear any yelling, i didn't hear her scream at my cousin and my last memory of her before this event was her grabbing onto the car like she would drop if she didn't. she probably would have. so if she was too weak to yell, i wondered, how would she look like if i walked into her room?

"can you come help me for a moment?" looking over from moment from my book i saw my older cousin by a year , Karin, and nodded. i didn't know where we were headed but i almost backed out when i saw the room we were headed towards, but i told her i  would help and despite my reluctance i kinda missed the stranger in that room. weather i knew her that much or not she was still my grandmother.

when walking into the room i looked over and saw that her eyes were on me. she wasn't smiling but i couldn't blame her because i wasn't either. i think the last time i had a real conversation with her was when i was 9 and i asked her meaningless questions. i was seated on her knee and almost fell of because of her large belly. as my cousin walked over, she was carrying a plate i noticed, she sat in front of my grandmother and fed her. every once in a while my grandmother making a noise of pain.

it felt awkward and i wanted to leave. i wasn't a social person anymore, i wasn't 9 anymore and i couldn't run up to her an ask stupid questions asking why she couldn't walk and if she would get better. i was 12 and i had grown quiet and i wanted to run. she kept looking at me, i wondered what the others were doing outside, she kept looking at me. i wanted to leave. this wasn't my grandmother.

she wasn't in front of one of my cousins yelling at them like they committed a crime and she wasn't walking around with a fat belly. she was weak and looked like she couldn't walk for her life and she was so skinny. how can someone loose so much weight? and she kept looking at me.i didn't know what i was supposed to say. 'sorry for your pain hope you get better?' not likely.

"help me flip her over" looking over to my cousin again from my own corner in the room i saw her pulling at a blanket under my grandmother. i walked over and pulled. how could someone that looked like skin and bones weigh so much? once i was finished i went back to my corner and the wave of awkwardness washed over me as my cousin did her work.

"it hurts" i almost missed it, i looked to where the voice came from and found my grandmothers eyes. nodding, what was i supposed to say?, and walked out with my cousin when she mentioned for me to leave. looking back i shot a forced smile and waved back to my grandmother. and she stared back at me.

i walked back to the room where i was and leaned back on my bed, the stranger was making me cry. "it would have been nice to have told asked her to tell me stories about herself" i thought at the time. i probably could have then.