Divorce. I’d call myself a victim of divorce, honestly. Divorce is a place where parents dig a **** hole for their children to wallow in.
I was two when my parents split up, but that still doesn’t mean I don’t feel the pain of, ‘would they still be together if I wasn’t born?’ or that I don’t wonder, ‘is this because of me?’ every time they yell at each other, or hang up in anger?
I don’t blame my parents, I don’t blame god, and I finally don’t blame myself.
Divorce, for some couples, in paradise right now or not, is inevitable. Little things can cause the ball rolling. Can dig up things from the past, or eventually be dug up later on.
It’s been eleven years since my parents broke up, and I always wonder when they get on the phone, ‘what’ll it be this time?’ Child Support Payments? Their different opinion on rules? Visitation dates?
I’ve always gotten a say in all of that stuff. But a lot of kids don’t. A lot of kids are put in the middle, which I am still sometimes. Some parents- a lot, actually, will put their kids in the middle with out even realizing it.
They may say it has nothing to do with their kids- their divorce, I mean. And they may say they really did love each other when they were married. But words don’t mean anything. Parents of all people should know that.
You can say something; your body language can be a back-up, sure. But these are kids you are dealing with. They don’t know about love yet, not really. All they know is their parents had them, and then they split up however many years after. They may start analyzing anything they can remember from that time. What did they do wrong?
What could they have changed, done, or not done, so that their parents could’ve stayed together.
I’m still speaking as a child here; I know divorce is an adult matter that kids shouldn’t be put into the middle of. But it’s going to happen, no matter what anyone thinks.
So all I’m saying is, when your husband/wife/fiancé/partner and you have decided to get a divorce- make sure your child knows it isn’t their fault. Make sure they still know that both parents will still be there for that child, and that they still love them. That their parents are NOT splitting up because of them. I can’t stress this enough. I remember, after some hateful words and phones being slammed down, I always wondered, ‘what if I wasn’t born?’ and what did I do so wrong that this had to happen?
It’s not your kids fault but they don’t know that unless they are told, reassured by BOTH parents, and at least be civil when your kids are around.
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I watched a movie last night.... And I was crying before I realized what I was even thinking. It was called "Me, Mom, Dad, and Her." It was about a 15 year old girl who lives with her mom, and her dad lives hours away. I'm the opposite. I'm 13, I live with my dad, and my mom lives 4 hours away- by plane. I get to see her for the month in four days, and I wish my parents could talk to each other civilly without swearing at each other, hanging up, and then telling me how upset they were with the other parent.
I want to see my parents get along, like the girl in the movie. But then again. It was just a movie. And my parents will never, ever be like hers.
And I'd like to hear other kids (and parents!) opinions of divorce just to get a more rounded image. I want to help other kids with divorce and maybe parents too. Kids don't need this pain, it has nothing to do with them, and parents should know how to keep their kids out of it.
This is me in a nut shell with my opinion of divorce.
