Sense of Reality (Alan Ashby)

Welcome To The Diary Of A Man Who Lost His Mind So Long Ago

Diana

I ran to Jay's house, feeling uneasy as I walked in like I did all those months ago. I felt rude and unwanted, where emotions of acceptance and politeness usually lay their heads. I knocked on the wood before closing the door, instinctively looking up at the stairs. I was waiting for the familiar dark haired, cheeky-smiled face to pop over the top of the banister, maybe with a toothbrush stuck between their teeth and shirt riding up their midsection or one sock falling off and a shoe in hand, yelling my name as greeting and possibly a "be there in a minute". Of course, there was none. Instead, I was greeted with a very flustered Sharon saying,

'Diana, no need to knock. Come in and close the door.'

I did as she said, before following her through the archway to the kitchen.

'Now, I don't want to keep you long, but I found this, dear.' Sharon said, continuing on to the lounge room. She came back out with a small box in her hands. It was no bigger than a shoebox, and had been painted black. In bold gold marker a single word had been written on the lid. Safety. Sharon passed me the box, and I took it in my arms. I noticed that it was wrapped in a few layers of tape, making it near impossible to open without the assistance of a blade.

'Wha-'

'I found it in Jay's room yesterday. I finally decided I would clean it, and... This was the first thing I found in his wardrobe.' Sharon pulled out a chair and sat down in it. 'It had a sticky note on it, and all it said was "for Diana".' Tears were pricking at both of our eyes. 'I'm sorry, Diana. I'm so sorry.' Sharon started sobbing now, catching me off guard.

'Why?' Sharon only shook her head.

'Go, see what's in the box.' She said suddenly. 'Not here, take a pair of scissors and go somewhere. To his gr-' Sharon paused before correcting herself, 'resting place.' I nodded, walking back to the kitchen. I grabbed scissors out of the top drawer.

'Goodbye, Sharon.'

'Goodbye. Oh, and there's a book next to the door, in the side table. Take that too.' I once again did as I was told, walking outside and taking the route to Jay's grave. As I did, my phone rang. I ignored it, allowing Kellin's high voice to ring out. It was Alan calling me, of course. A few seconds later the song cut off, replaced with a buzzing as I was notified by text that I had missed a call. I played around with the box in my hands, picking at the tape. I reached the gates leading to the graveyard and got yet another text message. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the message.

Alan: Just wondering where you are. You sounded upset and now you're ignoring me.

I sighed, debating on what to text him back. 

Diana: I'm fine, just visiting Jay for a while. 

I sighed once again and put my phone in my pocket, walking over to Jay's grave. It disgusted me that the trip to his grave was now familiar; I had never wanted it to be. His gravestone still looked clean, but the ground upon where his body lay looked unkempt. The springy dirt they had piled on was now gone, and sparse weeds were taking its place. No flowers decorated his final resting place, a sign that he had almost been forgotten. Except by me, and Sharon. 

I sat on the conveniently placed bench and placed the journal on the seat next to me, snipping through the tape around the box. I paused before opening it, instead turning to the journal, its yellowing pages calling my name.

I opened the journal to the first page, the first few words warning off Sharon.

Mum, please don't read this, this is for Diana's eyes only. I'm sorry. Diana, open the box after you've read this.