I placed my arms around her and tried to pull her out, that’s when she reacted.
She wailed and pushed me away from her. “Leave me.” She whispered. “Leave me…” I was confused, I was hurt. I was scared.
She leaned forward and held her stomach. She began to cry again, wailing. It was hurting me because I didn’t know what to do first.
“It hurts Lance, what you did it hurts…”
“Baby…what is it?” my heart stopped for a second and began beating rapidly.
She continued to scream so I carried her out of the bath and lay her on the rug at my feet, her blood left an undeniable trail. It shone dominantly like a reminder of evil against the white interior of our bathroom.
“Baby, stay calm…I’m j-just gonna call an ambulance…” I reached for my phone and dialed 999.
“I’m so sorry. No.” She said. “I’m scared, I’m scared. It’s hurts Lance, it hurts what you did. It hurts me everyday.” I was too lost for words. I wasn’t sure exactly what she was talking about. The pain of the baby or… something else. The hairs on the nape of my neck rose when her sore eyes made contact with mine.
She winced in pain.
I stammered as I tried to explain to the ememgency services what I thought had happened. Jennifer was seriously scaring me. Like, was this a breakdown? Was this what they called the development of post natal depression? What would happen once the baby was born. I was scared. Fearful for our future especially for Jennifer.
What if the baby didn’t make it? That was my biggest fear, the amount of blood everywhere had me shaken up. I wanted to cry like a baby but I had to hold it together and stay stronger for my wife.
“Lance, let go…just let go.” She sobbed.
I ignored her harsh words and tried to think of what to do next.
“They’ll be here soon, less than ten mintues they said…” I said, praying nothing would happen before they got here, I’d already delivered one baby when I was teenager, the experience, the tramatizing images of that day would never leave me, I’d prefer if I didn’t have to go through it again.
When the ambulance finally arrived I mad arrangements for my neighbour to look after Jeremiah and Jeyda who were still asleep in bed.
I tried my best to be there for her but she was amd at me and I really didn’t know why.
After a while she forgot about it, the contractions were too much for her and I was so worried the baby wasn’t due for another 6 weeks.
She had to have an emergency C Section because she’d lost so much blood. I was seriously beocming concerned as to whether the baby would be ok.
“What were you thinking, J? You could have bled to death…”
“I deserve it, I deserve it. I let you get away with it.” Her eyes cut into mine and they my as well have cut into my heart. She stared right into my eyes as if she hated me. I crumbled up there and stood still in time as they wheeled her into the theater room.
“Call Destiny Lance, I don’t want you in there with me.” She called out to me. I was obviously devastated, Jennifer wasn’t allowing me to see our third child being born but I remebered the state she was in, so I did as she said.
“Hello…” Destiny mumbled, still half asleep. “Who’s this?”
“Hello, hey Destiny, it’s me Lance.”
“Hey Lance, what’s up…what’s wrong you sound different.” She became more awake.
“Just had a long f*cking day, Jennifer’s haivng an emergency ceaserian, the baby’s in distress and she’d lost a lot of blood…”
“Oh my God, is she ok? Is she conscious?” I could hear her shuffling.
“She’s alright, she asked me to call, you she wants you in there with her.”
“What? Me?” Destiny didn’t bother to ask why. “Where are you?”
I gave her the details and she came in 15 minutes, and ran into the theatre in her pajama shorts and hody, hair all wrapped up in a scarf.