Bad Enough for You (Currently Editing)

Get Ready to Wake Up Covered in Glitter and Beer

40.] Get Ready to Wake Up Covered in Glitter and Beer

It scared me that you could be with a person for years and only be able to assume the fact that you knew who they truly were. People were so twisted and secretive anymore that even the people you were closest to could turn into the ones that you thought would never hurt you. It also scared me that you could never tell when someone was lying to you, playing you for a fool.

Looking back on mine and Blaine’s relationship, I tried to remember if there had ever been a time that I questioned who he was. We had been friends since we were little, struggled through the boredom of our parents’ socialite lives, and the woes and throes of school. Even before we were in a relationship, I had thought of Blaine as my closest friend, my trusted ally, the one who always stood guard waiting for anyone else to drive the knife in my back.

Never did I think that in all of that time, he would be the one to do so. As I thought of this, I really couldn’t help but wonder if he was even to blame for this. I couldn’t think of anything recent besides him constantly being “out of town” that was suspicious in regards to his actions or words. We were just the same as we had always been, just a little more worn down by the upcoming end of summer that would lead to a lifetime of changes we had been working towards our entire lives.

Now that I was here, though, at this moment in my life when I was left to look at what were now the pieces of Blaine and I, I couldn’t help but wonder what went wrong and why it did. Standing in my bedroom, I looked at the pictures of us together that lined my walls. Pictures from school dances and charity events, concerts and our trip to Australia, us kissing and holding hands at an amusement park were all there. But what was a picture really? They only ever seemed to capture the good times, what happened in the midst of other people and judgmental eyes?

I hadn’t felt any sort of hurt when Blaine and I had broken up. One would think that after hearing him say he had been going away so that he could sleep with my best friend would have hurt. That that alone would have been the knife plunged and then twisted in my back, not just by his hands, but hers too. I hadn’t felt it, though. Getting away from what had been too confining of a relationship had allowed me to feel as if I could spread my wings for once.

Now that it appeared that I knew nothing about the demolition of our relationship, I felt the sort of ache that even Eli couldn’t soothe. He was on the other end of the phone with me, not really talking, but I could hear him breathing as I moved about the room, picking up things that had once belonged to Blaine and I had stolen for my own. Some of them made me remember the things that had been good about our relationship, like the collection of classics that he had boughten me for my birthday or the giant cupcake bulletin board he had given me when we graduated, telling me that it was a gift for my dorm room. Picking up his old t-shirts and cleaning out his drawer in my bathroom hurt more than most things.

There was now this strange feeling that there was something missing. Looking around the room, I knew that it wasn’t anything physical, like one of his t-shirts or his favorite book. The thing that was missing would only be replaced when Blaine finally succumbed to telling me the truth. When he could finally tell me what he had really been doing, then I’d be able to feel better about all of this.

Then again, Blaine wasn’t the only person who was keeping secrets from me. The boy that had filled Blaine’s vacated spot in my life wouldn’t tell me why he had rushed out of the room that day or where the swollen eye and cut face came from. He was purposely beginning to push me from his life and it hurt.

Despite how much it all hurt, I was still willing to let it go. I was kind of relying on the fact that sooner or later Eli would come to me on his own and tell me what all had went down that day. That night had been one hell of a twist. Everything seemed to have risen up and then came crashing down, leaving me to try and figure out who was telling me the truth and who wasn’t.