Let Me be the One

[Sol / Young-bae]

Whenever I’m on stage, they say I’m a superstar. I always smile without them knowing it’s fake. It’s hard to be me. I hate to be me. I don’t know why, but I only loved myself once. It is when Aliyah Gilbert was still mine.

“Kiss ko?”

I looked on the other side of me and I saw two people standing close together. I felt pain when I realized it's Liloree and Aliyah.

“You want me to kiss you?” she asked.

“Yeah. In public.” he answered.

Ghad damnit. How could they kiss in public where everyone can see them? Especially me.

Right now, I am seeing the love of my life about to kiss the one she replaced to me. I closed my eyes. I think my heart is going to burst. I don’t want to see anything more now. All I want is to get lost.

“You don’t have to kiss me. I’m just kidding around. Sige na. Pumunta kana sa room mo.” I heard.

I breathe deeply as I am trying to exhale the fact that I’m broken inside. I slowly opened my eyes and I was shock when I saw Aliyah in front of me.

“Mind to talk with me?” she asked.

I looked at Liloree’s side and he is already walking away.

“Sure.” I answered.

I followed her like a puppy as she walked on the hallway. We are walking far from each other. Everyone’s head is turning back as we pass them by.

She broke the silence as we reached the mini concert room. Nobody’s in.

“How are you doin’?” she asked.

I smiled bitterly.

“Should I answer that?” I asked back.

“Sol…    “Stop calling me that way.” I said without letting her finish her words to say.

I don’t want to hear that name again. I don’t want to hear the name she used to call me. I love the way it feels when she’s calling my name. But since we’re already apart, I hate it.

Just call me Youngbae, please.

“Mianhe.” she said. [Sorry]

“For what? For leaving me clueless? Or for replacing me too sudden?” I asked

She looked at me again. She seemed so sad. I noticed something in her eyes. Are these tears?

“Sorry for everything.” she said.

This time, there are tears running down from her eyes. I smiled.

“What’s this? Are you trying to act like some other person huh?” I asked.

“Hey.. Don’t be mean.” she said

Woah. Am I the one who’s mean right now? Isn’t she the one who’s mean to me?

She left me hanging. She never trusted me. And it’s really hard for me to understand why. Why do we have to be apart? Why we have to end up like this?

“I still can’t believe you’re no longer mine, Aliyah.” I said.

I looked up as I am trying to stop my tears.

“You think I should let you go?” I asked without looking at her.

She didn't answer me.

I don’t know what she is thinking. I’m so dull asking her that thing. Everyone knows I can’t let her go but if it’s Aliyah’s want. I’ll do it. Is it heroic? I think it’s suicidal. This moment is fckin killin’ me.

“Sol… I’m so sorry. I’m very sorry.”

I can’t hold my tears anymore.

“Ang hirap.” I answered.

She seemed to be surprise this time.

“Sol.. You are.. You are speaking… Tagalog?” she asked

“Why? Is it impossible for me to speak Tagalog?  I stayed here for 5 years. You think I wouldn’t learn your language?”

“Nah.. It’s just that.. I’m a bit surprise.”

Yeah. Sure, she would. She never heard me speaking Tagalog. I learned it but I never used it ‘cause of my citizenship. I’m thinking that Filipinos might get confused.

But why is it when that Alien’s around, I can’t help it? I always talk to her in Tagalog.  That’s a bit strange. Maybe she used some Alien tactics with me. Yeah, that’s possible. She’s an Alien anyway.