Numb Dreams

Nobody understands. At least, not my family. They tear me down and it's always been up to me to pick myself back up. It hurts. The scars prove that. But sometimes, I just feel numb.

The numbness is probably worse than the pain. At least with pain, I feel alive, human. When I'm numb, I don't feel anything.

When I'm numb, I lose my sense of self, if I even had one in the first place. Who am I?

It swallows me, envelops me in the black hole that tears me apart. I cry. But I can't feel the tears running down my face, or my heart breaking. I can't feel anything at all.

And sometimes when I try to feel, I regret it. I feel guilty. Because I promised I wouldn't. I promised you.

But sometimes I wonder if life is even worth it. I'm forbidden to follow my dreams. Forbidden to sing. Forbidden from the things that keep me alive. But that's what I do. All day long.

My parents, they told me that I can't sing, I can't follow my dreams. They don't believe In me. They took away music. My life. And it hurts to know that if I follow my dreams, I'm going to be alone through it. I'm only 12. I shouldn't feel like this.

Thank you for everything. But do you really believe In me? Or were those words just for comfort? I don't think they were but sometimes, I wonder...

What if I told you I was going to kill myself? What if I told you this was a suicide note. I don't have my dreams, my happiness. They've been crushed, shattered, broken... And so have I.

There's an ache In my heart. Do you even care? Then I think, why would you? I'm a failure. Like I've told you so many times.

I've failed everyone. Especially you. You've tried to tell me otherwise, but I can't believe it... You told me not to turn into you, but that's exactly what I'm doing.

I'm not their perfect little angel anymore. But I'm not me. I can't be. They won't let me. They hate me. Now, I'm numb. Without personality. Without a definition.

The numbness is taking over again. The razor is in my hand. Should I do it? You'd say no. I have to fight the urge. There's a pill bottle within my reach. Should I get it? You'd say no again. I have to fight the urge.

My heart is hurting, aching, crying as my tears hit the paper. But I'm just numb. I can hear it, my heart, pounding in my head. Can you hear it, too?

Maybe this is a suicide note. Maybe I'm breaking my promise. I'm so sorry, Domanic.....

<3 Blade