Fatal Impact

Erosion

My second day of high school was an exhausting nightmare. None of the teachers are sympathetic or patient like they are on the first day. In their minds we should all know the structure of the school well enough to not get lost, and know our way through the maze of classrooms so we weren't late to class.

The students were worse. The older classes looked down at us as if they were our Kings and Queens. I tried not to let it bother me, but with me being on my own for the whole day, I seemed to be the target of a majority of their minor digs and insults. I wasn't the only target, of the situation, but I was glad when I could finally go home.

I was in the middle of making an afternoon snack when my dad came home from work. "Smells good, sweetheart. What are you making?"

"Just heating up some of the left over chicken from last night," I replied grinning his way.

He came over and kissed the top of my head, chuckling when he saw the half eaten slice of cheese in my hand. "Having another snack in between snacks are we? You've built up quite an appetite lately."

Safe to say I blushed a deep crimson. "It's just a slice of cheese," I mumbled. I don't know whether I was trying to convince my dad, or myself that it was 'just a slice of cheese'.

                                                         ~ * ~

More often than not, parents don't exactly realise the damage and impact that the occasional slight remarks they make can have. To be honest, it's not really their fault. It's just that sometimes the filter between their brain and mouth doesn't work. 

On the rare occasions that they realise they shouldn't have said something, they make the huge mistake of simply assuming that the children won't remember. That the words they uttered are meaningless and won't leave an impression on their children.

The small comments on their own aren't that effective. However when you hear the sometimes derogatory comments all throughout your life from everyone around you, the weight of them starts to become a heavy burden. Especially on the shoulders of impressionable young children and teenagers.

I was seven years old when my mother first made this mistake. We were playing around together like we usually do, just having some typical girly fun. I had just been for a swim at a family members house, and I was still wearing my swimming costume.

Out of nowhere, my mother decided to give my exposed stomach a gentle and loving poke. "You're getting chubby there, missy," she had said with a slight smile.

She didn't think anything of it, and at that age neither did I. I was more focused on laughing and flinching away from the slight tickle that the poke caused. 

Once I started high school, though, that all changed. Like a lot of high school students, I was bullied.

When the bullies started making similar comments, the memories of the playful yet hurtful comments made by my mother came flooding badk. That is when the self doubts planted themselves into my mind and began eating away at my self confidence.

By the time I was more than half way through my first year of high school, the confidence I had when I was a little girl had completely eroded away.

I would stand in front of my bedroom mirror and poke the same stomach like my mother had done when I was seven. Instead of a gentle and loving poke, it was rough and hate filled. "You're getting fat," I had started saying to my reflection.

I hated myself, I hated my body, and I hated looking in the mirror. No matter how much I hated it, though, I couldn't stop myself from staring at my reflection for what felt like hours at a time.

All I saw were the bits of fat hanging off of me, and my reflecting repeating the words my mother had spoken to me when I just an impressionable seven year old. "You're getting chubby there missy."

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V o t e | C o m m e n t | F a n

[NOTE: I pesonally suffered through anorexia (I'm much better now. I overcame it), and although there are many similarities with my personal experiences and this story, the events above are NOT my own. The emotions ARE, the storyline is NOT]

~Alyssa