Ante Mortem

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I’m somewhere between purgatory and hell

and no one’s reviewing my case

such miracle pills they gave me

a cure for disgrace

it’s not fooling me

they didn’t save me

I’m gone

fighting back is futile

they make me stay the same

I’m happy over nothing

I’m laughing at everything

distractions eventually go to sleep

and lead their own lives

but I’m still here playing a gameof alive

I don’t think anyone can handle

being this babysitter of mine

I’m far too much too handle

people run out of time

oh

people go crazier for much more miniscule a thing

I have reasons

you gave me plausible cause

I am a test subject

I am a fraud

I am the poet you’ll never hear of

because death comes more swiftly

than anybody’s objections

these thoughts aren’t silenced

simply because no one can hear them

I’m not only suffering in the therapy hour you give me

or whenever someone’s there to see it

at home

in the car

the anxious girl seen from afar

it’s every second i breathe

and every second i think to stop

I must tell you doctor

I’m not myself

you broke free this monster

no thanks for you help

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