You are the only one

Chapter 4

I’m waiting in a waiting room at a hospital where my sick aunt was. I started to look at my fingers and placed my fingers together. My brother Matt was sitting next to me, looking around the hospital to see if my mom would be coming soon for some news for us, but there was no sight of her. I finally broke the silence with Matt and asked him with concern, “Is she going to be okay?” Matt answered, as he didn’t make eye contact with me, “I don’t know.” By the way Matt answered, I know that it’s not going to end well. I told him, “Cancer is curable.” He looked at me and said, “I know, but when mom and I came last time, aunt Jane wasn’t looking like someone full of life, she looked so pale and you can see the life in her slipping away.” The tears were coming down his face. I don’t know what to do. Should I hug him? Should I hold hands with him? I know he’s my brother, but I never seen him this sad since our dad died. I know I hate him so much, but I do care about him. I placed both my hands on top of his and he looks at them for a while. I also leaned my head on his shoulder and I whispered to him, “Everything would be okay. I’m so sorry Matt.” Tears started coming down. “I’m sorry for acting such an ignorant spoiled brat. I just push people out of my way after everything I went through. Like when dad died.” Matt puts his arm around me and said, “ It’s okay Julie, and I didn’t know you were dealing with emotional problems also. I should have been more aware around you.” I started to cry more and both Matt and I hugged each other. From this moment with Matt, I know that he’s going to be there for me for now on. I’ve gained his trust now. I finally realized that Matt always cared for me, but I was so ignorant of pushing him away. To be honest, the reason why I pushed him away is because he looks just like dad and I just feel anger towards him because dad is not here anymore. After hugging Matt for a while, he let go of me and handed me some tissue. “Here you go.” “Thanks.” I blow my nose. Matt cleared his throat and asked me, “So anything happen today at school?” For a moment, I kind a forgot what happen today at school. Everything right now feels like a total blur. I started to look at my fingers again  to try to regain my memory. I told him, “Well, I got my grades today?” and Matt said, “Really? Are you passing?” I told him, “Yeah, I am actually. I have four as and two Bs.” Matt was surprised to hear that I was actually good in school. “Wow! You have better grades than I did when I was a senior in high school.” I laughed. “Nah, you’re lying! All the teachers love you and you’re going to USC tomorrow!” Matt laughs and said, “Oh, tomorrow I’m going to USC? Nah that doesn’t sound like me.” He said sarcastically. I started laughing. “You are such a goofball you know that!” he started laughing. “What else happen at school today?” when he asked, I started to remember what happen with David. I told Matt, “Um, well since you asked, my friend left me today.” “How? Don’t you have any other friends?” I looked down and told him, “He’s the only friend I have.” “Awe Julie.” Matt said with concern. I gave Matt a side smile and he gave me another hug. I started to think about what actually happen today. In the morning, everything was good with David. I made him crack up many times. We had fun together like we always do, but again during lunchtime, everything changed. When I got my lunch, I started to look for David and maybe spot him with a table for us. As I’m looking for him, I spotted him sitting at the cheerleader’s table. I saw Amanda being flirty with David. David turned away from Amanda and saw me. He waved for me to come over to him, but when Amanda saw me, she moved David’s head with both her hands and kissed him right in front of my face. When I saw that, I just dropped my food and ran out the cafeteria. I ran to the restroom and locked myself in a stall. Why is Amanda doing this to me! Why did she have to do the worst thing in front of my face! Ugh! I cried and cried for hours. Until I took out a blade I had in my backpack and cut myself. I stayed in the stalls until school was over. I finally unlock the stall and I walked over to the sink. I looked at myself at the mirror and my eyes were red and puffy. I also looked at my arm and noticed that the mark looks like the letter D. Why did I make that mark? I was right, the only friend I had would leave me. I put my sweater on and walked out the restroom. There was no one around the school. I was alone in the halls. As I’m telling Matt all this, he looks at me with worry ness and confusion “How long have you been cutting yourself?” he asked as he look at my arms. “Since dad died and from getting bullied that I get at school.” Tears started to down again. Matt hugs me and wipes the tears away. He tells me, “Julie, why didn’t you tell mom and I about this? This is really bad. You have to stop. You have to stop cutting yourself. You’re hurting your own body and if you loose a lot of blood, you’ll end up in the hospital.” “I know, I know, I just can’t help it. I feel like the pain helps me.” “Do you know how crazy you sound right now? Pain is not something that helps, pain is something you fear.” Matt said with concern and by the way he looks at me in the eyes, he really wants me to stop. “You just don’t understand Matt.” I started to cry. Matt said, “But I can try and I will always be here for you. You just have to talk to me.” I look at him, and gave him a smile of relief. I feel that Matt would understand me more. Finally, my mom comes out from the room and you can see it in her face that something bad happen. My mom said nervously, “ Aunt Jane has passed away.” Matt and I walked towards mom and hugged her as all three of us cried together.