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Being GAY is One Thing Being FAT is Another

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“Well hello there Channing Tattum it’s been way to long since we’ve seen each other… But whose that over there? Why it’s Heath, darling just look at you. Hmm? What’s that guys you say you want to add a young DeCaprio to this trio? I don’t see why not I have all nig-“


Before I could finish my monologue I hear a small giggle behind me scaring me almost to death


“Haha you’re weird.” A small child with pigtails says as she walks away from my now embarrassed form.


Trying to calm down my blushing face I quickly grab ‘Titanic’ and continue in my movie search. Once my basket is full of on screen romances I decide it’s time to get a couple of musicals while I’m out. Walking through the classic section my eyes automatically hone on to ‘Singing in The Rain’ and ‘An American in Paris’, what can I say I’m a sucker for Gene Kelly, I also pick up ‘Simply Modern Millie’.


With all these movies in my hands one would think I would be satisfied but no my eyes searched for the one missing the musical I never leave out of my video plethora. Like a shining beacon I see the case I’ve gotten to know so well, ’Wicked’. As I reach for my favorite my favorite musical a smile gradually forms on my face just picturing myself watching it, but just as quickly as it forms my dreams are ripped away as the last one is snatched away by some blond bimbo looking chick and her equally bimbo looking friend.


Shocked first at the audacity of this woman all I could do was watch as both bimbos walk away with my movie switching their PINK butts all the way. But as they started to reach the checkout line I quickly snapped out my catatonic state and hurried after them. When I finally reached them breathing a bit hard I politely tell them


“Excuse me, but Um… that’s my movie you guys took. Maybe you didn’t see but I was reaching for it when you snatched it.”


The first blond Bimbo stares at me for a bit as if wondering why I had the nerve to talk to her. Both girls give some type of inner knowing look to each other before turning back to me giggling


“Yeah we saw you…and?”


Already I can feel that I won’t be able to see ‘Wicked’ tonight but none the less I still try to talk to the girls that I’ve decided to officially dub Bimbo 1 and Bimbo 2


“Uh well yes… you se-“


My cheeks start to darken with frustration as Bimbo 2 interrupts me


“Why don’t you just get another?”


“Yeah you have all those other movies in your basket, plus we need this movie to finish a scavenger hunt.”


Bitch  ‘Wicked’ is a work of musical art not just some object to be toyed with.


I guess they took my silence as a chance to leave


“Wait…My other movies have nothing to do with this. That was the last ‘Wicked’ and I was grabbing for it first.”


Both Bimbos continued giggling


“So you weren’t fast enough fatty. What are you gonna do hit us to get the movie.”


I start to count back from 10 in my head in frustration. How could a perfectly good evening be soured by the likes of these two in the span of minutes? I may be fat, gay, and a bit of a queen, if you ask my family, but I’m all man and I’ve been raised to never hit a girl. Though my pride is a bit bruised they both know I won’t hit them if their smirks tell me anything.


As I reach one I let out a long sigh and put a fake polite smile on my face.


“Fine take the movie. Good evening.”


As I hear their annoying laughter at my retreating figure all I could think was I’d love to go back and give them a piece of my mind and tell them they can go fuck themselves and I hope they get a severe case of a new strain of a mutated Chlamydia and Syphilis virus that also gives you irremovable cellulite.


That thought cools me down as I cut my losses and got back to look for another musical to watch. Grabbing ‘CATS’ I make my way to the cashier whose name tag says “Hi My Name Slim Shady How May I Help You?”


“Ha you didn’t put much thought into this one did you Slim?” I grin with recognition of my favorite cashier in the world.

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