Epilogue: P.S, You're Gonna Be Okay-

40.1K 2K 1.2K
  • Dedicated to all my readers! <3
                                    

A/NSong suggestion by CountingLockets ;)

    "I'll have my driver pick you up at the end of the day, alright?" Nate said from his idle position in the drivers seat. "I can't because I'll still be at work." 

    I nodded in reply, muttering a nervous, "Cheers," before swallowing back my anxiety and pulling the lever that clicked the passenger door open. 

    "Hey," Nate tapped me on the arm, pausing me in my actions of clambering out the door. "You'll do fine." His words were welcomed with the reassurance they brought, and I smiled in thank before continuing with my exit. 

    It'd been almost a year since Logan died. I was still staying at Nate's, but we kept it at a friendship level, Nate didn't push and for that I was thankful. But I could sometimes catch a look of disappointment or at times when he looked so sad as he stared at me. Begging me, almost, to try and move on. But he never said a word on the subject. 

    I turned back and, bracing my arm on the side of the door and one on the roof of the car, I leaned in to say, "I'll see you tonight." I waited for Nate to nod before slamming the car door shut and watching him swerve away from the curb and off into the distance. 

    Turning my back to the road, I stared up at the towering building that's shadow I was standing in. It was a warm, sunny day. Just gone half eight in the morning. My hand was delved inside the left pocket of my trousers, fingers gripping tightly onto the smooth piece of paper that Logan's fingers once touched. Today felt good, I thought, though a smile was absent on my lips. 

    I pulled the letter slowly from my pocket, unfolding it to skim my eyes along the very last paragraphs Logan had written. The whole entire reason I was staring up at this intimidating building in the first place. I wanted to crawl away and hide in a hole, but I wasn't about to back out. Not now. 

    Anyway, this letter's dragging on so I just have one final thing left to say: the money in the letter and the wallet...the main reason I saved it up for you and why I'm giving it to you, why I need you to have it is because, if I'm going to do anything before I go I want it to be this...to help you towards getting an education.

     Jesus I bet you're balling this piece of paper up right now and throwing it in the trash. But please just, hear me out. Or...read me out. Besides the point. The point is, Ash, I can't bear to think that you'll spend the rest of your life doing something that you hate, doing something that you feel is the only thing you're good at, when you're good for so much more. God Ash, so, so much more. 

    You deserve to have a better start, and you deserve to be happy. That's what I want Ash. I want you to be happy. Staying as a rent boy isn't going to bring you that. So please, think of it as my dying wish if you want. Just do something that makes you happy, have a job you enjoy doing. Have a goddamn life that a teenager should have. Party, have friends, laugh, smile, find someone...

    Oh and if you need anymore encouragement on the school idea, you should know that I think you and a school uniform would go quite nice together. And by that I mean sexy. Now I'm getting jealous of the uniform. I should stop thinking about that right now. I can't. What have you done to my innocent mind? Anyway, I've dragged the inevitable on long enough, don't you think? I guess this is my goodbye. 

    You are everything to me Ash. Don't ever forget that.

                                            I love you. Goodbye.

     I took in a deep breath and, I wasn't sure why I hadn't done it before but, I felt the urge to flip the last piece of paper over in my hand, to find, in the bottom left hand corner, a scrawl of words that read: 

    P.S, you're gonna be okay. 

    My mind instantly took me wandering back to that day on the beach. The day I'd found out that Logan had cancer and I'd walked out on him. He'd said those exact words to me, and I closed my eyes for a moment as I imagined his arms around me, his lips buried in my hair as he spoke. I remembered that day so clearly, like it was just yesterday it'd happened. 

    For the first time since Logan died, I actually smiled. And it was real and thankful, and full of thoughts of Logan and I knew that he was right. He was right, I would be okay. And I thanked everyone I could think of for bringing Logan into my life. There wasn't a single inch of regret inside me. And I missed, god I missed him so much. But I'd be okay. 

    I pulled the wallet Logan had left me, from my pocket and tucked the letter safely inside one of the slots, before putting it back in my pocket. And it's there it would stay, so at least I had Logan with me through this whole goddamn experience. Because if I had to go through it, then he did too. The bastard. It was also a comfort of mine, now. I'd kept the wallet and letter with me at practically all times. I wasn't about to stop now. 

    And shit was I nervous. I mean, college? Jesus, I didn't even finish school. But Nate had been helping me study at his apartment to let my brain get used to it all again, since I decided that I'd at least try and give this whole "nomal teenage life" thing a shot. So with a deep breath inwards and a tug on the collar of my shirt, I thought, what the hell, and without further hesitation, disappeared inside the entrance to the college. 

A/N: IT'S THE END. I'm kinda sad but wow has this been an amazing story to write for and you readers have been so incredible. I love you all so much! Without you guys, I don't think Ash would have ever made it to the end of the story because, well, I lose motivation quite quickly which is something I hate. But you guys kept me going and I'm so thankful to you all for that! I wish I could have dedicated a chapter to each and every one of you properly but I can't, so let's pretend this epilogue is dedicated to you all individually :) 

Also, I've started writing a sequel for this story after a lot of you have requested one! It's in the pov of Mitch and focusing on his relationships with Tony and Tyler and a new character called Finn (!!!!) ;) I'm excited about it, so I really hope it turns out as well as I hope! 

The Rent Boy (EDITING)Where stories live. Discover now