Laugh till You Pee Jokes

Honeymoon Brides

This is a joke book filled of jokes that are mine and some that are not. Hope you enjoy.

This one is in one of my books already but it is so hilarious I had to put it again.

There are dirty jokes I don't know how to change the rating, you used to be able to. Whatever, if you don't like dirty jokes don't read. To me they're tame compared to the things I see on here. But I will try to be fair, read this carefully:

If you see slighty mature, or mature, don't leave a comment about it being not being appropriate I tried to warn you. I didn't get to put a warning on all chapters, to be honest I'm too busy for that. Read at your own risk.

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SLIGHTLY MATURE

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know

anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the

prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the

prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but

the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him

a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently

born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,

OKAY!"

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A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted.

"And, I don't expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules," he said.

"Any comments?" His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

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Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother,and said, 'Here - try these on.' She did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' I replied, 'Exactly, I wear the pants in this family and I always will.'

'Ever since that night we never had any problems.'

'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try. On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here - try these on.'

She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'

Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that.'

Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here-you try on mine.'

He did and said, 'I can't get into your pants.'

Karen said, 'Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will.' And they lived happily ever after.