Straight Edge Love

I looked at the shattered mirror and at my new hair color. It was black as night and messy because I haven’t brushed my hair yet. I picked up a camera and I took a picture of my new look. I looked at the girl in the mirror’s cracked glass that remained. I knew she had nothing to say to me since I would have heard it by now.

I walked out of the bathroom, and back into the hallway. I walked to my room, and I looked at the bed. I specifically looked at the pillow he had laid on after we ‘did it’. I didn’t pick it up because I was afraid I’ll get rid of any trace of him.

I asked myself, “How could you let this happen to you? You should be drinking still. Everyone thinks you stopped.”

I shook my head and covered my ears. Don’t listen to yourself. You’re just going to go down deeper if you do.

“What am I afraid of?” I asked myself and I looked at my right hand. I could feel a faint pain as I made a fist.

I picked up the pill bottles and placed them next to my bed. I turned on the lamp on the night stand, and it brought some light to the room. My apartment was painted white and had a warm feel to it. I had 2 bed rooms and 2 bathrooms. My mom helps me pay for the rent sometimes.

I looked into the mirror in my bedroom and I turned it around, because I didn’t want it facing me. I decided to just go out and go to the mall, however, something inside me wanted some more sleep. I decided that the feeling inside of me was better at judgment than I was.

I climbed into my bed and onto the pillow he laid on before he left. I placed my head against it and I closed my eyes.

He looked at me with his green hazel eyes and asked, “So what is your name?”

“Just call me Hayley. You don’t need to know my last name,” I said to him.

“Really now?” he asked me.

I shook my head yes. “Yeah.”

“Pleasure to meet you Hayley,” he said and he kissed my hand. I saw that we were in a restaurant but I couldn’t remember which one.

I blushed and was in awe. I couldn’t believe a handsome man like him would be flirting with a girl like me. He whispered something into my ear but I couldn’t hear it but I knew I was smiling at the time.

I woke up in cold sweat. I pushed my hair back from my  face and took deep breaths. I looked at the clock and I read the time. 3:00 PM. I didn’t know what time I decided to sleep, but it was probably in the morning around 10 or 11. I grabbed my pill bottles and I walked into the kitchen. I pulled out a bottle of water from the fridge and opened it. I took out two pills from each bottle and took them in with a sip of water.

I enjoyed the icy cold feeling in my body from the water. You know that could trail that goes down your throat and into your stomach area, right? I enjoyed the feeling.

“At least you don’t hurt me pills,” I said. I felt a bit sick but I told myself I am fine. Maybe it was just the food I ate or not eating at all.

You need to eat something Hayley or you’ll kill everything inside you.

“You’re right voices,” I said. “I need to eat.”

I pulled out some cookies and I picked up only one cookie. It was a chocolate chip cookie and it smelled pretty good since my mother made them two nights ago. She came over before I decided to get drunk and have sex. I was a bright girl at one time, but now I am second guessing myself.

Hurry up and eat every single one of those cookies Hayley.

“No,” I said. “Just one cookie and that’s all we get.”

Fine you win. Just because you fuck everyone doesn’t mean you can decide on these types of things by yourself.

I ignored the voices and took a bit of the chocolate chips cooking.

After finishing the cookie, I walked back into the living room and I decided to call a girl who knows almost everything. I needed to tell her about this man that I decided to screw. I picked up the phone and found her name. Lucy Havoc was her name and she had long brown hair and hazel eyes. I pressed the send button and it dialed her number.

“Hello?” she asked.

“Lucy?”

“Yes, is this my friend Hayley?” she said.

I replied, “It is. Anyways, I need your help.”

“Shoot.”

I told her, “Two nights ago, I brought a guy home when I was drunk. However, he wasn’t drunk but when I was half sober, I invited him to my house. We had sex and when I woke up, he was gone.”