“I thought it was the hospital”, I said, edging over to the car. Jeremy followed suit, getting into the driver’s side.
To think that only a few hours earlier, I’d been so blissfully happy. Crumble by crumble; it was all going to come crashing down, right on top of me.
And I was terrified.
“Deana, what is it?” he asked, with a worried frown.
I stuck on my best faux-grin and said, “It’s nothing; I was just worried for a second. I thought it was something about my mom.”
Pretense was usually one of my strong suits, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to hide the worry or fear in my eyes; or the confused frown, so I avoided his piercing gaze.
“You sure?” he asked. I nodded and turned my phone off; clasping my hands together. If I was pregnant, which was still clouded with uncertainty, I’d always assumed pregnancy was joyous. So, why was I so scared?
Lying to Jeremy was eating away dangerously at my insides, but I really needed it not to be true. Not just for the sake of our relationship, but also for my sake. The thing is, I’ve never looked at a kid and gotten all warm and fuzzy on the inside; I’ve never imagined how my kid would look; I’ve never thought of kid names; I’ve never even imagined what it would be like to have one of my own; I’ve simply never possessed a fascination or longing for children. Never in my thirty years of life.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dislike kids; I mean, I love Willow to bits, but I just wasn’t sure I possessed a single maternal bone in my body, or the ability to handle the responsibility.
And then there was the sake of Jeremy and I; he had made his opposition to offspring very clear.
We’d been at the mall, and he needed to collect a La-Z-Boy recliner, and we’d gone to the Michael Kate showroom to get the one we’d ordered online – he thought it would be much more fun to share one. Anyway, so this lady came in with her one son and two daughters, all pretty close in age – at least, appearance-wise – and they’d started running around the store, disorganizing furniture, and ignoring all protests made by their mother and the store manager.
Jeremy had watched in disbelief, and said, “I can’t imagine having to do that!”
“What? Running around a store? I’m pretty sure you did that at some point”, I’d replied, sampling another recliner on display.
“No. The whole kid thing”, he replied, still watching them.
“You don’t want kids?” I’d asked.
He snorted and replied, “No way”, shaking his head. And then, he’d turned to me slowly, “Do you?”
I’d smiled and shook my head. “No.”
And then he’d whispered, more to himself, than to me, “What are the odds?” That we’d want the same things out of life or something along those lines – I assumed.
And that was the end of that. The topic never came up again, and I’d been perfectly fine with it. That is, until now.
“Um, can we make a quick stop at Ralph’s, please?” I asked. I needed to get to the pharmacy as soon as possible. My head was swirling, and I felt like I just might pass out from the worry, the thoughts, and the fright.
“Okay. Are you sure you’re alright, though?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m just tired”, I said, as convincingly as possible.
He drove in silence for the next few minutes, until we got to Ralph’s. I controlled my urge to bolt out of the car and stepped out slowly, shutting the door behind me. I bent over, and peered in through the window.
“You know what? You should go. I’ll meet you at your place later”, I said.
He frowned, “Are you sure?”
I nodded and replied, “I’ll see you in a bit.”
I watched him slowly peel out, and hurried into the store. The pharmacy was right at the back, with the pregnancy section on the side.
‘Traditional. Digital. Who cares?’ I thought to myself, as I swept a whole bunch of pregnancy tests into my shopping basket. A little overdramatic, I know, but I’d heard they generally weren’t very reliable, so I needed to ensure reliability.
The lady behind the register gave me a pleasant smile, and then, as she snuck a peak into my basket, she gave me a wary frown.
|Matt Bomer||as Jeremy Harrington|
|Katheryn Winnick||as Deana|
|Lindsay Sloane||as Stacey|
|Jason Lewis||as Matthew|
|Christine Baranski||as Deana's mom|
|Edward Herrmann||as Deana's dad|
|Kyle Lowder||as Bradley Cole|
|Jessica Biel||as Sheila|
|Bradley Cooper||as Jerry|
|Cameron Diaz||as Rosie|
|Nicole Kidman||as Frannie|
|Robert Buckley||as Dave|
|Ian McKellen||as Scottie|
|Ryan Reynolds||as Greg|
|Emily Blunt||as Savannah|
|Claire Geare||as Willow|
|Emma Thompson||as Lauren's mom|
|Jaclyn Smith||as Sophie Harrington|