Frustration -SERIES- [Part 1] [boyxboy]

Chapter Four

Christmas 2012

After a few more minutes of awkward but polite conversation in the Archibald family kitchen, Conor had managed to excuse us under the guise of showing me around and getting unpacked.

'Are you okay?' I asked quietly as he led me up the marble staircase to the second floor.

Conor shook his head and sighed. 'I don't know if I can do this,' he mumbled. 'I'm so sorry.'

I still couldn't touch him, so I settled for holding up my hands, palms out. 'No pressure,' I assured him. 'You're not doing this for me, you're doing it for you, and if you can't, then it's not the right time. No matter what happens, I'll still be here.'

Conor stuffed his hands into his pockets resolutely and smiled at me; I bit my lip, worried.

'Come on,' he said. 'You're staying in the guest room just across from mine.' He led me through a hallway and opened the door to one of the bedrooms. I looked past him and noticed my suitcase was already standing by the wardrobe. 'This is you,' he said, then moved across the hall to open another door. 'And this is me.'

I followed him into his bedroom and he closed the door behind us while I looked around curiously. The room Conor shared with Tarquin at Glenstal Abbey didn't have a whole lot of personality to it; he had a single cork board with some important photos and Name Withheld playbills pinned to it and that was about it. This was different; there were band posters torn from magazines tacked up on every wall, a couple of guitars in their stands displayed in one corner, a messy desk with photos of Conor and his friends looking much younger stuck on it haphazardly. I noticed a very young, very blonde, very toothless Sally grinning at the camera with her arm around an adorable five year old Conor.

'This is you alright,' I agreed, wandering around the room and examining the objectification of his life.

Conor had settled back on his bed, leaning against the wall, watching me, and I eventually went and sat beside him.

'It's just a couple of days,' I told him. 'Then I'll be gone and you can just have a normal Christmas with your family. No pressure,' I repeated.

'I know,' he muttered, twisting his hands together in his lap and staring down at them. 'But that's not what I want either. I want to tell them. I just... Ugh. I can't make myself say the words.'

'You don't have to label yourself,' I suggested lightly. 'You've never had an easy time with the word "gay" and that's okay. You could just say you're interested in boys, or that you're with me now. It might make it easier for them too.'

'Yeah...' Conor agreed. 'You're probably right.' He looked up at me gratefully. 'Thanks for doing this with me. You're really amazing.'

I laughed. 'I'm nothing. You're amazing. And you're going to be fine. We're going to be fine. We just have to get through this. I've got your back, no matter what you decide to do, or how you decide to do it.'

Conor shook his head before sliding closer to me and laying on my shoulder. 'How did I ever manage to get you, huh?'

There was a knock on his door he jumped, scooting away from me nervously and shooting me an apologetic look. I held up my hands again, letting him know it was okay.

'Come in,' he called hoarsely, and Joey and Kelan opened the door, closing it again behind them as they made their way into the room. They came and sat on the bed as well, which was getting a little crowded now, and I wondered whether I should leave.

'Hey, Tyler,' Joey said, reaching to shake my hand. 'It's nice to meet you.'

'You too,' I said, repeating myself when Kelan mimicked him.