"Oh Carmella, you look so beautiful! Those earings really make your eyes sparkle, and your hair just looks perfect. I can't believe this day has finally come, my little girl, all grown..." My mother blabbered on relentlessly, amidst tears and running makeup, yet not a single word registered. I stared out the window, my eyes travelling over the lush landscape of the vintage farmhouse that we had all congregated in. Today was the day, and in less than four hours, the little gazebo and garden on the south end of the greens would fill to capacity with my closest and dearest family, and then my life will utterly and completely change forever.
Last night I had been in denial, thinking that I could just go to sleep and never wake up, that this day would perpetually be just a few more days away, but I was wrong. From the moment my eyelids sleepily fluttered open, wincing as the joyous spring sun rays filtered through my window panes, the single thought fluttering through my mind was "run".
"Ugh Carmella, is that really how your going to leave your hair and makeup? Its so plain, your the bride not an usher." Of course, leave it to my sister to be the one person to snap me out of my reverie. I sneered at her snide comment before replying.
"Hey, didn't I say to sit in the corner and shut it? I don't remember inviting you to open up your big mouth, now get back in your corner before I tell your husband how much of a freak you really are, and not in the good way!" Aftrer last night, I had been hell bent on just pretending as if Cara never existed. Of course that is extremely hard to do when she is so good at being annoying, and after four hours of listening to her whining, I would have gouged my ear drums out just for some peace and quiet. So we came to an agreement, Cara would remain unharmed while in my presence so long as she stayed out of my way and did everything I asked the day of my wedding. So far, I wish I had just sucked it up and torn out my ears.
"Oh come on Carmella, mom..."
"Enough Cara! Would you stop making everything about you? This is the most important day of your sister's life, can we please just focus on her?" My mother all but yelled. Cara was about to retort, but the look my mother was giving her left little room for argument. Huffing, Cara plopped in the chair I had placed in the corner of the room for her.... facing the wall, which I did purposely so I wouldn't have to see her face with her judgemental looks of dissaproval.
Refocusing, I inhaled deeply and desperatly tried to calm myself down, this was all just too stressfull to deal with. Unfortunately, as each minute built and brought me closer to the moment of truth, so did my nerves and, despite my guilt, I still couldn't manage to keep my inner voice from screaming for me to run.
I felt like I was losing myself and knew it wouldn't be long before I broke down in front of everyone, and that was embarresment I just couldn't take. "I need air" I practically shouted, startling my great aunt Milly, who had been peacefully dosing on the chase lounge by the mini bar. I scrambled to my feet and burst out of thre bridal suite, ignoring the protests and concerned voices fading behind me. As soon as I had made it outside, I made a beeline to the back of the building, away from prying eyes, and plopped myself on a stone bench behind some overgrown shrubs.
I dukced my head between my legs and let myself release a strangled whimper. What the hell is wrong with me? Any girl would be thrilled to be marrying Ezra today, and here I am, barefoot and sobbing over it in some bushes behind a stinky dumpster. Ezra is the kindest, most genuine guy I have ever met, and I am a freak of nature who deffinetly doesn't deserve him, yet somehow still ended up with my prince charming. I should feel lucky. Besides, whats the worst that could happen? We get married and have kids, which puts a strain on our sex life, which causes him to cheat and me to drink because I'm depressed and become violent, which really won't do much since I'm a weakling, but still its embarrassing. We'll end up getting divorced, which will confuse our kids and the next thing you know my son is serving pink, glittery cocktails to she-men in thongs at clubs like Feathers...
"Aagh" I shriek, before rising from my stone bench and pacing my confined area. I have officially lost it! I just need to calm down, everything will be fine. Ezra and I will be fine, I hope.