He chuckled and wrapped his arm around my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. I leant contently into his chest.
He quickly dropped his arm and groaned.
'What?' I asked surprised and a bit worried. Did I smell or something?
'This is heading in a bad direction.' He said, still looking pained
I disagreed. In my opinion it was only just taking a turn for the better. At least he was making physical contact now.
'Jess, you're only seventeen!' he groaned again, sounding a bit frustrated as well.
'Your point being...?'
'Seventeen, it's so young... too young.'
'What? But you're only 20!' I accused
'I'm almost 21' he corrected 'that's nearly four years.'
'So?' I said, unfazed by the number.
'Jess, I mean it's too young to do the things that people my age do when they are in a relationship.' He forced a little smile 'I'm not about to go corrupting your innocence.' And he brushed my cheek with his fingertips. My skin felt hot where he'd touched me.
'I'm not as innocent as you think.' I mumbled.
He suddenly looked angry, and a little bit worried, but then his face smoothed into a smile. 'You said you've never had a long-time boyfriend.'
'Yea'
He smiled again 'You're not one of those girls who sleeps with guys they're not seeing. You've got too good a head on your shoulders'
I didn't always I thought.
His smile turned tender and painfully sweet, 'That's one of the things I love about you.'
He'd said love. Not exactly in the context I was most eager to hear it in, but he'd said it when he had been talking about me.
Gulp. I really wasn't about to tell him now.
'My stubbornness is a weird thing to love' I croaked
He chuckled, 'I find it oddly endearing... even if it does frustrate me on the odd occasion' he jibed.
But I was remembering his words from earlier, 'So you're saying you don't want us to be together?' I said as I stared intently at the wall, silently gritting my teeth.
'No-' he said in a shocked voice 'that's not what I'm saying at all- it's the opposite to that. I want to be with you too much, in the wrong ways...'
'But I want you to want me that way!' I retorted.
He sounded frustrated again. 'I'm not going to let you do something you're going to regret. And I don't think I'd be able keep from... going too far, if I was caught up in the heat of the moment.' he tried to replace his pained expression with a grin, but only half succeeded.
My face fell. I was freaking out - so much for a turn for the best.
He misinterpreted my change of expression. 'Oh. No I don't mean that I'd force you to-' he was leaning towards me looking concerned. 'I'd stop whenever you wanted me to, I just meant- well... it doesn't sound like you'd tell me to stop.' He looked a bit disapproving now.
'So then don't-' I said.
He tried to pull his hand from mine when I took it, but I held fast and searched for his eyes.
When I found them I was pleased to see that they had lost their hard, resolved edge.
I decided to make a bargain; 'But, we don't have to do any of those things. We can keep it completely PG 13-' He rolled his eyes and looked away with a snort.
'Jess, c'mon. You know it's not that simple, we can't just pretend that we don't want to...'
I smiled playfully and murmured, 'What exactly is it that we want to do?'
He started to tell me off, but I cut him off, I wasn't giving up that easily.
'-Ok, ok, sorry - I promise I will behave and you can make the calls. We stop whenever you want.'
He was quiet, still not looking at me.
'Rob,' I tried in my most persuasive voice as I squeezed his hand tightly between both of mine, but I was still freaking out. 'I just want you. I don't know if- if I could deal with not being around you.'
He looked back at me then, real pain in his eyes. I went in for the kill.
'When ever you want to stop we stop.' I quickly reiterated
'It's not about wanting to stop,' he murmured, 'That's the problem.' But he didn't argue any more.
'Good then its settled- you're my boyfriend, I'm your girlfriend. And we'll keep it PG.'
'G' he grumbled.
Humph. 'Well,' I murmured, leaning closer, 'If you change your mind...' I rested a hand on his chest.
He removed it, looking angry. 'Jess-'
'Sorry,' I said before he could back out of our deal 'Just making sure we had everything straight.'
He sighed again and shook his head, 'You're going to be the death of me.'
'That's the plan' I said cheekily.
He shot me a warning look.
'Oh lighten up' I said, giving his arm a little shove. 'You can't deny me sexual innuendos when you're withholding the real thing'