Arrow Holes

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I flinched as I touched the obvious mark around my neck because of the restraints. I leaned against the sink and stared at myself. I saw my wrist with bruises on them. As I breathed I felt my stitches in my side because of the graze I got from a bullet. My nose was a little bruised, too, from when Merle punched me. I wonder where they are? I wonder if they're still even alive.. No, Ami, don't think like that. Daryl is still alive. Tears started to fill my eyes. "Fuckin' God." I told myself, trying to hold them in. I need to be strong. You can't break down. I squeezed my eyes to hold back more tears. 

Why? Why am I still living here? I should have shot myself a long time ago. My dad always told me that the number one thing in the apocalypse is to know whether or not you want to live. Because if you don't know then the answer is most likely a no. Tears started falling down my cheeks. I put my hand over my mouth to stop the sound. This is all I've been doing since we got back: crying. I don't even know how long I've been in this bathroom, an hour, maybe a day; I told you I didn't know. I heard the door open. I looked through my tears and saw Rick. He gripped the back of my head gently, and pulled me into his neck. He kissed my temple as I cried. 

"You're goin' to be okay." He didn't say 'it's okay' because he knew it wasn't. 

"I miss him so much."  I wonder if he even heard me through the quick breaths and tears. 

"You'll see him again." 

I cried harder. "No, I'm not." I paused. "He's gone." 

I felt his chest sigh. "Your body needs sleep. You've gotten beat up pretty bad today. Let Hershel check on you." 

**

I slept in Daryl's bed. The smell of him was left in it. 

"You don't have to stay here." I told Rick who was sitting on a stool next to the mattress. 

"If you need anything I'll be right here." 

"I'm fine. I won't need you."

"Good, then you won't have nothin' to worry about." 

I sighed and wrapped Daryl's sheet around me more. I closed my eyes, but I kept seeing his face. It was sad yet pleasing. 

The crowd cheered for our deaths. I was forced to watch Merle's and Daryl's. I knew soon after theirs I was going to be next. They had to fight to death. Which ever one wins, gets to go free. Lie. The Governor was going to kill all of us, no matter what. I saw Merle punch Daryl. I felt like it was me getting hit. Another kick to the gut. Daryl rolled in pain on the ground. Another kick. I pulled on my restrainers. They pulled right back. I couldn't scream. I had no voice. I watch another blow go to Daryl's face. Daryl finally stood up and punched Merle. Merle took his metal arm and hit Daryl across the face. He dropped to the ground, lifeless. I felt like my head was about to explode because I couldn't scream or say anything.

I woke up, panicking. My heavy breaths made Rick comfort me. He sat down next to me on the matress and wrapped his hands around mine. I gritted my teeth to hold back the tears. 

"Shhhh." Rick told me. 

I had the same dream all night. Off and on Rick ran to my side. 

*

I opened my eyes and saw Rick wasn't there. It was brighter than usual, which told me it was morning. I stood up and walked down the steps. 

"What do you think he saw yesterday?" I heard Meg whisper to Hershel.

"I don't know, sweetie." 

I walked over to them in their cell. "What're y'all talkin' about?" 

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