(A/N: this seems short even by my standards, sorry but i've been pretty busy lately)


I sprung up from bed so quickly it was as if I was never asleep. I dreamt that dream again, and as always now I was wide awake and as distraught as anyone could ever have a right to be. It was as though it had just happened; I can feel where he'd touch me. I could smell his cologne and when I blinked I could see him, his expression. I could fell all the pain, see all the blood it was as though at this very moment I could feel it running over my skin, leaving thin red trails. I threw off the covers. I paced they room trying to calm myself, trying to regain my self control but each blink just flashed the scene before my eyes, each time more vivid than the last. I looked around then grabbed my bag that was right next to the bed and darted into the bathroom. I sat on the floor with my back up against the tiled wall. The light was on but I was in such a hurry I didn't even bother to close the bathroom door. I was almost crying, except there were no tears this time. I wrapped my arms around me as though I was hugging myself, my fingers clutching my shoulders. I dug my nails into the flesh of my shoulder and slowly pulled them down. When I was done each arm boasted four deep long scratches. I hadn't really broken the skin so instead of just outright bleeding the blood welled up on each scratch n little beads. I did the same thing to my legs; sinking my nails deep into my flesh and pulling them up my leg. I did this several times. I watched as the scratches appeared then I watched them swell and start to shed little droplets of blood, but satisfaction didn't come. The pain wasn't strong enough, if I could still fell and think of something other than the damage that I was inflicting. I pulled my nails along my limbs several more times, sinking my nails in even deeper than before. When I was done my left arm had a huge gash on it form where my fingers kept digging in. and still I had yet to obtain that trance like state when all I knew was that physical and renewing pain.
I started going through my school bag frantically before getting frustrated and just dumping everything on the floor. I quickly went through the mess of objects on the floor and came across a small plastic pencil sharpener. I put the sharpener between the pages of my history textbook, closed it and pounded on the cover with my fist. After a few moments there was a loud crack and I opened my book to see that the sharpener had split apart into several small pieces. I picked them up and siphoned through the pieces, I took the piece that held the blade. I yanked out the now loose screw, completely separating the blade from the now offending plastic. I sent a small 'thank you god' up towards the ceiling and then leaned back against the tiles once more. I took a deep breath and quickly made two slashes on the inside of both of my wrists. First there was nothing and then a strong throbbing pain started in my wrists and started to work its way up my arm, quickly taking over the rest of my mind. This paired with the scratches on my limbs had finally overcome me. I looked at my bleeding wrists and I just let the blood drain unto my legs. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes; it hurt so much that I couldn't care less about anything except the tingling I felt all through my body.
Out of nowhere a car alarm went off drawing me out of my trance. I looked at my cuts and scratches with something akin to disbelief. I had been here so long that my wrists had already stopped bleeding and the blood that had ran on my legs was starting to dry. I was sticky all over from the blood and sweat I had just shed. I was a peace now. There was just one more thing I had to do before I could go back to sleep. I took some pieces of toilet paper, wet them and started cleaning up. My wrist made it hard because I didn't want to reopen them and have them bleeding all over because that would just mean more cleaning. The added pain I got from using my wrists however did give me a sort of buzz. After I had leaned off my arms and legs, I threw my things back into my school bag, except for the sharpener blade, which I put next to the sink. I used some more toilet paper and cleaned the blood off of the bathroom floor. Then I went back to the sink. I rinsed off the small blade, wrapped it in toilet paper and shoved it into my bag as well. I turned on the hot water and put my wrists under the tap. When they were clean I switched the water to cold and held my hands underneath for several moments. To make sure they were fully clotted and wouldn't start bleeding again when I was asleep. When I removed my hand s and turned off the tap, they were almost numb from the cold water on such a cold night. I dried my hands carefully. I had dumped all the toilet paper into the bin but before I left the bathroom, I overturned the contents into the toilet and flushed away the last bits of evidence of what I had just done, well except for my cuts of course.
I left the bathroom, turned out the light and closed it behind me. I went back to bed and shimmied in-between the covers. I inhaled there fresh scent and snuggled down deeper, making sure I was fully concealed by the bed covers. I fell asleep with pretty much the same feeling that I had before, but this time I didn't smile, though I don't mind much because I didn't dream either.