HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU


Written by


Abby Kohn & Marc Silverstein





July 20, 2007



EXT. PARK - DAY



We float down through a serene, leafy park to the
children's play area. There, in the sandbox, a BEAUTIFUL
FIVE YEAR OLD GIRL plays among a group of kids.



GIGI (V.O.)
I have a theory about how this all
started...


A SIX YEAR OLD BOY approaches. He watches the little
girl for a moment as she gently shapes her sand castle.


And then - out of nowhere - THE LITTLE BOY PUSHES THE

LITTLE GIRL DOWN.



LITTLE GIRL
Why did you do that?



LITTLE BOY
Because you smell like dog poo.


Some of the other kids SNICKER at this brilliant one-
liner. Our little girl's face turns red.



LITTLE BOY (CONT'D)
You're so stupid just like dog poo!
You're made of poo!


And then, just to punctuate, he JUMPS ON THE SANDCASTLE,
smashing it. Finally, our little girl starts to CRY.



INT. KITCHEN - DAY



Our beautiful girl sits at a kitchen table with her MOM.
She can only get out one syllable between big, wet sobs.



LITTLE GIRL
Made. (SOB) Of. (SOB) Dog. (SOB) Poo.



MOM
Honey, do you know why that little boy
did those things? And said those things?


The little girl shakes her head no.



MOM (CONT'D)
Because he LIKES YOU.



FREEZE FRAME ON OUR LITTLE GIRL'S FACE - TRYING TO

PROCESS THIS.









1



7/20/7 2.







GIGI (V.O.)
Uh - excuse me -- but what - the - HELL?
Where did that rumor start? Because moms
have been spreading it for years.



BACK TO THE SCENE - THE MOM CONTINUES...



MOM
That little boy is doing those terrible
things because he HAS A CRUSH ON YOU.


We see our little girl take this in, like she is just now
beginning to understand the ways of the world.



GIGI (V.O.)
Do you understand what this means? We
are all encouraged to believe that if a
guy acts like a total jerk -- that means
he likes you. Sure, that's a lesson that
might serve us as five year olds, but
many of us keep believing this advice
well into adulthood.



INT. DORM ROOM - NIGHT



A CUTE COLLEGE GIRL sits CRYING in front of her ANSWERING
MACHINE, as her ROOMMATE looks on.



GIGI (V.O.)
Then, as we get older, we carry on this
tradition of misreading the signals men
send by encouraging our friends to do the
same...


The machine evilly flashes 0 in the NEW MESSAGES window.



ROOMMATE #1
That Phi Delt so obviously liked you.
I'm sure he just lost your number.



INT. HIGH RISE OFFICE - DAY



A HOT EXECUTIVE WOMAN stands in the office hallway,