Diary of a forgotten teen

Parts 1 through 10 and every chapter's after were or will be edited by SilentDream. I would like to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my story. Thanks!

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Tuesday, May 28th, 6:40 PM

I hate diaries. I use to laugh at anyone who wrote in one. I mean, why write down your innermost thoughts in a place where others may see. You may think no one will, but they will; someone will always find it. I should know; I would be one of the first people to intrude on your privacy, sit back with soda and popcorn, giggling as I flipped the pages. So why then? Why am I sitting here about to pour out my heart into one of these things? I still can't find an answer to that one. Maybe it's because there isn't anyone who would listen to me, no one willing to hear about my pain that I have kept locked away inside all these years. I've heard people say, "Life's a bitch and then you die." They're so right; the only thing about me is that no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to die. So, after many failed attempts, here I sit about to divulge all my secrets. I guess I should begin by saying who I am; although, I don't think I want anyone to know who I am if I should lose this.

I'll say this: my nickname is Blue. My parents were the first to call me that. It was how they could tell my sister and me apart. We're twins you see, identical in everything but eye color. For some reason, I was born with dark blue eyes; so, the nickname just kind of stuck as I got older. Oh well, moving on. My birthday was yesterday, which officially makes me 16 years old. If anyone would have asked me if I thought I would have lived to see my birthday, I would have told them no. What's the point of living if no one cares if you die? My life has a way of bringing you down, dragging you down below a watery surface with no way of saving yourself. Dying would be easier than this. Yet, my heart still beats, keeping me from escaping my pain.

I'm not just some teenager who hates life because her parents won't give her everything she wants. I've never complained about anything. From the outside looking in, I have a good life. I'm from an upper middle class family; I live in nice house, in a good neighborhood. I have everything I could ever want. Yet isn't it always families like this that have the most secrets? My family is obsessed with "keeping up appearances" when in public, but when we're home it's a different story. My parents, my sisters, and my brother, each of them have their own lives, too busy to pay anyone else attention, especially me. I'm different from all of them. I don't care about how I look in the public's eye. I don't care about crushing my enemies. All I want is to be happy.

OMG, I can't believe how late it is. It took me longer than I thought to get started on this. Well I'll have to finish this tomorrow; I still have homework to do.　

Ending the sorrow and pain　

Blue

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Wednesday, May 29th, 4:30　PM

I'm back, unfortunately. You know, every night I pray to God to take me in my sleep, yet every morning I wake up to this depressing world I live in. When I was younger I use to think that school was my sanctuary. How stupid could I be? Schools are filled with nothing but assholes, silly children who argue and fight over silly things, teachers who don't care about their students but only how much money will be on their check when they get paid. Every day, they see the weak kids being bullied by the strong and do nothing. Why is this world so concerned with material possessions? Who cares how much money you have? Yet, that's the topic of most of the conversations that go on everyday at my school. Money, dating, and sex, that's all those people talk about. I don't care about any of that.　

Just today my sister and her "best friend" were fighting over some boy. I don't know why, he probably doesn't want any of them. Guys are like that. They just want you to spread your legs for them, and once they get what they want; they leave you. They boast to their friends about how you did this and that to them. The more girls they get, the more they're able to build themselves up. What's crazy is that girls still want them knowing this. Why would anyone want a guy who treats them like shit? Who uses them and when they're done throw them away? I just don't get it. I can't deal with any of this.