Welcome to Artistry

Chapter 10

Devastated. That is all I was for the next 12 hours of my life. Never have I ever felt more of a need to drink and do drugs than in those hours, since I left treatment. When the Aussie told us that we would not make it through, tears just came down my face. I started walking away and went onto the bridge where Seth and the rest already were sitting. Seth gives me a hug, which I definitely appreciated. We looked down to watch some of the friends we had made throughout the day, as they audition but instead seeing Blake and Clarissa standing in line singing more. How Clarissa manage a second shot?

I hear her singing the national anthem, of course. Our theater teacher once told us that if we ever screw up an audition to ask if we could sing the National Anthem. It is the hardest song vocally and also proves you have a shit ton of guts! After this it is apparent that Clarissa got through and Blake did not. Now I have to deal with her over-blown ego as I live with her for the next 9 months. I pray that she doesn't get through the round of auditions with the actual judges.

We then go out to eat at a place similar to Uno's, I could barely eat. I don't think it's the rejection that hurts, it's mostly because I've had this dream since I was five years old, and will never be able to attain it. I get that it takes people years to finally get that yes from a producer to get to judges, but it just hurts so much, seeing I'll never have the opportunity again to try.

That night I went to an AA meeting, this being the first one since coming to Beacon. This was heavy and painful... Someone that I didn't think I would see there was Peter. He didn't really speak when there was discussion. There was an unmistakable understanding though that a word would never be spoken about this though. After it ended, we hung out for the rest of the night.

I wake up in Peter's arms the next morning, on a couch in the lounge of our dorm. I jump at first but then relax knowing that I stayed sober. That weird guy Jake, who is the hippy, is doing his morning yoga and meditation. I ignore him and look at the time, 10 am, shit! We have band practice at 10:30 in one of the music buildings for the concert today. I don't even know how we are gonna pull this shit off, and my confidence is way down.

I quickly wake up Peter, and tell him about everything, and he jumps up and runs into his room which is the same as I. Somehow, I don't think anyone saw us other than Jake. It's a Saturday and no one usually wakes up before 12 anyways. I know Freddy and Seth do have football practice though. They are starters verses Peter who is a bench warmer basically, and they wanted them practicing this morning.

After basically jumping around, trying to get ready I meet back up with Peter in the lobby of our building and we walk to the music building. When we get in there, Freddy and Seth are already messing around with the instruments. After everyone greets each other, we sit down in a circle.

"What should we perform tonight?" Freddy asks.

I quickly say, "well I think we need to decide on a genre first. Freddy, who's your favorite artist?"

"I really like Journey."

"Same, good taste. What about you Peter?"

"Radiohead."

Seth blurts out, "I really like the Allman Brothers."

"So I think we can agree on the rock genre. What ever we do, it has to be huge. It is a gigantic opportunity."

"What about Dream On?" Freddy asks.

"Yeah!" Seth agrees, "I love that song! Gwen, you could kill the vocals."

I shake my head, "I don't think so."

"Why not?" Peter asks. "It is a great song."

I shake my head again, "It makes me nervous. I can't. What else?" I did not have the heart to tell any of them the real reason why I couldn't sing Dream On. I couldn't tell them why the song makes me nervous. It is not easy to explain that I only used to sing that song when I was high. It is an extremely challenging song vocally. It's a scary song to try and attempt to perform. If I even tried to sing that song again I would get way too many flashbacks of the way I used to be. I can't go back there.