Idiot For Hire [On Hold]

2: Why You Shouldn't Call a Security Guard the Hulk

Idiot for Hire

Chapter 2: Why You Shouldn't Call a Security Guard the Hulk 

After Nathan Byers was tackled to the ground, several more security officers ran to the front of the stage as backup. I was surprised they felt the need to attack him like that. He wasn’t a criminal; he was just irritating.

Startled cries were heard throughout the room as the lights flashed on abruptly, and even I stumbled out of my chair in surprise. My mother gracefully stood and joined me, probably thinking I was going to do something reckless and needed someone to stop me.

As soon as the lights came on, all eyes were glued on us. I barely had enough time to steady myself and smooth my dress and hair down.

By mother’s appalled expression, I figured she was going to loudly voice her opinion, but she didn’t. She simply shot me a reprimanding look, as if all of this was my fault, as if I had called this loser over and said, “Hey, come crash this fashion show and talk to me. You might even get thrown to the ground and pulverized. It’ll be fun!”

A strange sound was heard from the floor, and I looked down at Nathan. A muffled comment followed, although I had no idea what it was. It must have been pretty hard to get that much out, even if it was unintelligible. He was being used as a couch by a big, hulking security officer who looked like he could stand to pass on the fried chicken once in a while. Not that I was going to be the one to tell him that.

I paused to see if his words would sink in, but they didn’t. “What?” I finally asked.

After a few moments, Nathan turned his head to the side, took in a deep, dramatic breath like he’d just been submerged for five minutes, and said, “Well, that escalated quickly. Sir—can you stop using me as a chair? Hello? Earth to the Incredible Hulk?”

Wow… This guy must’ve been predisposed to stupidity or something. He had to have been perfectly aware of the mismatch between him and the security officer, although why he would still choose to call him the Incredible Hulk was beyond me.

Reluctantly, the security officer arose, grabbing onto Nathan as he stood up. Once he was upright, he tightened his grip and finished pulling Nathan up. “What did you call me?” he boomed once they were both standing.

“I didn’t call you anything. Why would I? I actually happen to admire the work you do. I really do. I’d aim to be you if I weren’t so lazy.” He paused, putting an end to his desperate praising. “Is your name Cobra Bubbles?”

“Is my name what?”

“I’ll take that as a no. I’m assuming you’re not a big Disney fan?”

“Do I look like a child to you?” the security officer demanded, his voice ringing throughout the otherwise silent room.

“No.” Nathan looked at the security officer from head to toe, cringing as the enormity of this man made itself painfully clear. “No, you do not.”

The coordinator of the show, Blare, shuffled down the runway, leaving the safety of backstage. “Is there a problem here? What is going on?” he cried.

The models had retreated into the safety of the curtains, and the rest of the audience was just observing us curiously. This must have been my mom’s worst nightmare, but she was handling it pretty well. I think she may have secretly been reveling in the spotlight, even if it wasn’t completely desirable. Attention was attention, after all, and she didn’t get much of it anymore.

“Not to worry,” the security officer said, looking at Nathan pointedly. “We’re going to resolve this problem very quickly.”

“Problem? I don’t see a problem here,” Nathan quickly interjected, feigning innocence.