CHAPTER 1 It was another gloomy day. The gray clouds loomed overhead threatening to break and release the tension that filled them. It had been windy earlier but now everything was still. The calm before the storm. I couldn't go anywhere though until I found some new clothes. The ones I wore now were starting to attract attention. I also hadn't taken a bath in a week, so I had to figure out that problem too.
A lady walking her dogs spotted me and looked me over. I knew the expression well. I got it a lot, but it never left me without some type of fear or anxiety. I quickly dodged into a random department store to escape her look of suspicion. It was a clothing store but clearly not one a person like me would be shopping in. the owner looked at me skeptically. I blushed and stepped back out.
It was raining now and I had lost my last umbrella to some kid at the park who'd gotten caught in a storm. It was raining really hard, and the wind was blowing it sideways. It was cold too, so it was like ice hitting me in the face. I looked around and ran into another store that looked more like my style. I wandered through the aisles looking only for what I needed. They all seemed the same to me though. Well, almost the same. There were some categories. Warm clothes, Protective clothes, clothes for the summer, clothes for the winter. Ones that would give me what I needed.
The gray walls in the store made me think of a jail cell and endless waves of guilt and fear ran through me. But this was the only way I could continue to live without winding up at a children's shelter with a hundred other kids. All kids like I had been when I was there age. I quickly made my selection and went back to the changing rooms.
I waited until the camera shifted and then got my number from a girl about my age with black hair, eye shadow, lips, nails, black everything. And the stud in her nose definitely cost her some money. I looked up at the clock and saw I'd only have to wait about five minutes until another person would start at the booth.
A couple of Abercrombie and Hollister girls looked at me and laughed. I blushed again and tripped over myself on the way to a room. They had laughed because of the way I looked after a few years on the street and a week with no bath. When I was all cleaned up (which was extremely rare) I looked very pretty, I think. That was the only good think about me. At least, that's what my sister had said. A couple of the groups I'd stayed with had asked me why I didn't use them to my advantage, but I wouldn't do that. I'm not for sale.
I looked in the mirror at just how bad I had gotten. I had dirt smudged on my face and arms. I had gotten a lot skinnier. Too skinny, if I didn't start eating more I could get seriously sick. My hair looked all matted and stuck to my head. I needed a bath.
I disable the alarm on my clothes and took it off in less than thirty seconds. Then I put my new clothes on and went out as if I was admiring myself in the mirror, but really I was making sure the first girl had been replaced. Sure enough, a woman with red hair was standing at the booth now. I gave the number back and went to leave but a shampoo booth caught my eye and I stopped.
I had run out two weeks ago and people were starting to notice. I couldn't go much longer without it. I really felt bad, but I didn't have a choice. I reached out and put the smallest bottle in the pocket of my new jacket. Of course I should've noticed the security guard looking at me. I've been doing this too long not to notice it. So when I walked towards the exit trying to look as innocent as possible a beefy man wearing blue stopped me and said,
"Miss, could you please empty your pockets?"
I stopped where I was, my feet suddenly glued to the floor.
"Miss?" He repeated. It was over. I had been caught. The walls were closing in and all moving in different directions. The posters of random kids on the walls all seemed to be laughing at me, enjoying my pain. I'd go to juvi for a few months then be put back in a shelter with a thousand kids. Each a reminder of how alone I am.
The officer grabbed my hand and cuffed it, putting it behind my back and attatched it to the other one. He read my rights like they do on TV, so he was probably a newbie. I wasn't paying attention though. I was trying to focus on my breathing. Of course the Hollister girls stopped on their way out and decided to watch the show. I closed my eyes and I broke my rule. One tear fell out.