Sybil: You're going to wear that jacket, are you?
Basil: Yes I am, thank you dear, yes.
Sybil: You just haven't a clue, have you?
Basil: You wouldn't understand, dear - it's called 'style'.


Sybil: Now, have I got everything?
Basil: (quietly) Handbag, knuckle-dusters, flick-knife...


Major: She's a fine woman, Mrs Fawlty.
Basil: No, no, I wouldn't say that.
Major: No, nor would I.


Major: Bunch of Krauts, that's what they are, all of 'em. Bad eggs!
Basil: Yes well, forgive and forget, Major... God knows how, the bastards.


Basil: Oh, (you're) German! I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you.


German: Will you stop talking about the war!
Basil: Me? You started it!
German: We did not start it.
Basil: Yes you did, you invaded Poland...


Basil: A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed.


Sybil: You seem very jolly.
Basil: Jolly?
Sybil: Yes, jolly. Sort of happy.
Basil: Oh, 'happy'. Yes, I remember that.


Sybil: If I find out the money on that horse was yours, you know what I'll do, Basil.
She goes upstairs
Basil: You'll have to sew 'em back on first!


Basil: He gets paid for sticking his nose...
Sybil: Oh, Basil...
Basil: No, I'm going to have my say.. into people's private.. um.. details. Well, just speaking for myself, I don't want a total stranger nosing about in my private parts. Details!


Mr H: Could you make me a Waldorf salad.
Basil: Oh... a... Wa...?
Mr H: Waldorf salad.
Basil: I think we're just out of Waldorfs.


Basil: Well, of course it's a rat! You have rats in Spain, don't you - or did Franco have them all shot?


Basil: Can't we get you on Mastermind, Sybil? Next contestant - Sybil Fawlty from Torquay. Special subject - the bleedin' obvious.


Basil: I'll put an ad in the papers. Wanted, kind home for enormous savage rodent. Answers to the name of Sybil.

Sybil Fawlty: [Sybil suggests a way to get rid of Manuel's rat] Perhaps it would be simplest to have him put to S-L-E-E-P.
Basil Fawlty: Who? Him or the rat? I could get a discount if we get them both done.
Manuel: [suspiciously] Spleep?
Basil Fawlty: [two guests are speaking to Basil in German] Oh, German. I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you.
Basil Fawlty: Polly, what's that smell?
Polly: Flowers, I just got them from the garden.
Basil Fawlty: Well, what are you stinking the place up with those for? What's happened to the plastic ones?
Polly: Being ironed.
Basil Fawlty: You'll have to forgive him. He's from Barcelona.
Basil Fawlty: Right, well I'll go and have a lie down then. No I won't; I'll go and hit some guests.
O'Reilly: The problem with you, Mr. Fawlty, is that you worry too much. You keep it up like this, you'll have a stroke before fifty. Stone dead you'll be.
Manuel: [to garden gnome] No Room 16 for you!
Basil Fawlty: Where are the pens?
Sybil Fawlty: They're in that box. It says "pens" quite clearly.
Basil Fawlty: Looks more like "Ben's."
Sybil Fawlty: Well, then when Ben comes, you can give it to him.
Basil Fawlty: I'll ruin you. You'll never waitress in Torquay again.
Basil Fawlty: [indicating Sybil] This, Basil's wife.
[indicating himself]
Basil Fawlty: This, Basil. This, smack on head.
[smacks Manuel on the head]
Basil Fawlty: Manuel will show you to your rooms - if you're lucky.
Basil Fawlty: It's alright, he's only choking.
[Basil has just found out that Kurt has a crush on Manuel]
Basil Fawlty: I knew it. I knew this would happen if we hired a Frenchman.
Polly: He's Greek, Mr. Fawlty.
Basil Fawlty: Greek?
Polly: Of course.
Basil Fawlty: Well that's worse, I mean they invented it.
Sybil Fawlty: [on the phone] I know... I know... I know... Oh, I know!
Basil Fawlty: Then why is she telling you?
Basil Fawlty: Good night!
[Mr. Leeman doesn't answer]
Basil Fawlty: I said, "Good night!"
Mr. Leeman: Oh, good night!
Basil Fawlty: That didn't hurt, did it?
Miss Ursula Tibbs: [Referring to a dead body] He's dead!
Basil Fawlty: Yes it's her husband. She hasn't got over it. Died thirty years ago.
Basil Fawlty: Come on out! Rause! Rause! Rause!
Sybil Fawlty: Are you still here Basil?
Basil Fawlty: No, I went a few minutes ago dear, but I expect I'll be back shortly.
Basil Fawlty: This is typical. Absolutely typical... of the kind of...
[shouting]
Basil Fawlty: ARSE I have to put up with from you people. You ponce in here expecting to be waited on hand and foot, while I'm trying to run a hotel here. Have you any idea of how much there is to do? Do you ever think of that? Of course not, you're all too busy sticking your noses into every corner, poking around for things to complain about, aren't you? Well let me tell you something - this is exactly how Nazi Germany started. A lot of layabouts with nothing better to do than to cause trouble. Well I've had fifteen years of pandering to the likes of you, and I've had enough. I've had it. Come on, pack your bags and get out.