Suicidal Notes (On Hold)

Dedicated to
Sara, Amanda, Gwyn, Aaron, Savanah, a...


I tried to calm myself I was so nervous. Was I really going into that salty greenish blue water? My stomach felt like it was being pulled out. Was I going to try to kill myself tonight? I inhaled the husky warm night air. Giving me tingles all over.

The bright sky slowly faded to a chalky charcoal grey, with a dark blue spread across the sky. The stars twinkling reminding me of sparklers. Once the sun was gone I was finally left alone, to the crashing of the waves.

 Sneaking out of the house was highly unusual for me. It felt like my mother was right behind me waiting to isolate me from the world. Grounding me for a ridiculous amount of time. After this there wouldn't be anyone to punish. After tonight I would disappear like the foot prints in the sand I would slowly leave after each soft step.

I would leave just like I was leaving everything else I loved... but couldn't stand. I hastily walked down the beach each step plunging sand between my toes. I could feel my heart beat bouncing off of the sand ringing throughout my body rapidly. My eyes were leaving a trail of salty tears sliding down my cheeks, like raindrops against a car window.

My hair whiping behind me, uncovering my scared and alone expression on my face. Which was slightly tanned with two adorable dimples perfectly placed on each cheek. Salmon pink lips frowning. And my eyes were a puddle of green,brown,and a cloudy blue.

 Dark blond hair framing my face with waves and twirls. I, Fara Locket was going to disappoint every one with just one plunge into the water. Where my tears would only deepen  the dark fortress where I was falling.

 But it wasn't my fault. I had handed out journals each in a special way to all my close friends  who were the only ones who knew what I went through.

Why i'd done it. Matt, Raven, Amie, Megan,  Ezra,and Roxy. Each of them instructed to open the filled pages at precisely twelve o' five. What was in each journal would bring each of them scrambling to try and do something.

But the question would be what could they do by the time they got near the end which would finally tell them what had happened to me.

 There wouldn't be anything they could do. It would be too late.  I myself was still unsure if I should proceed to doing what I had planned. So I just forced myself to think this was the only way I could make this stop. 

I finally stared to burst out with my tears crying loud and hard gasping. My whole body shaking anxiety attacks were horrible but this time I would make them end.

 I walked into the water it made goosebumps rise making me tremble even more. My feet sank with each step a lump formed in my throat. The water whirled around as I dived under the smooth water.

The rapid current thrashed me against the sand. Taking me by surprise making me inhail a mouth full of salty water cascading down my throat burning it. Feeling as if a knife was pushed into me. My lungs ached I was being pulled and turned everywhere darkness. I stared to wail kicking around.  Bubbles rising filled with my hushed screams final good byes and fare well love.

 My mind taking my surroundings away so I didn't see my body deeply in twined in the musky thick ice water. Beating my skin Purples and and creamy pasty light blues from smashing into everything. Deep cuts sliced into me from bits of shells and debris streaming red blood like warm coca slipping down against my skin.

 But my eyes were covered with visions of me and  Ezra laughing and Matt holding me tight never letting go. Feeling my tan skin draining to pure white the sun set splatters across my skin. Flailing around the lively ness of my movements dying down like a pot of boiling water brought off the burner.

 Falling deeper death just skimming my lips. My glassy eyes drooping feeling like sandpaper was constantly rubbing against them. It became harder and more painful for them to be open, trying to keep Ezra and Matt with me. Scared and confused I felt hazy slowly sinking to the cushy cluttered sand.

Everything finally started to hurt. I felt like my lungs were going to burst. So once again I gasped desperately instead it resulted in more burning salt water. My hair wrapping around me. Flying around like a kite gliding threw the brilliant warm air. I mouthed a secret I love you Matt before I passed out. Bubbles carrying the message away forever.


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Suicidal Notes


Hilary Duffas Fara Locket

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