I heard the sound of frogs. It was late at night but I felt this pull. Telling me to go outside and listen to the frogs chirp out their voices. So I gave into the pull and stepped outside the door. Outside the safety of my home. I felt the breeze on my skin. I smelled the wet grass. I heard each frog's croak and chirp. I felt free and clean. I sat there for a while never losing that sense of being pulled deeper that sat in the back of my mind. Just enjoying a sense of being a part of this great pure clean feeling. This peace and freedom. As I sat there the pull became more insistent. So I let it pull me deeper into everything. I didn't know where it would lead or deeper into what I was going. All I knew was that it felt clean, peaceful, and most of all right. So I stepped off the porch. I felt like I was leaving a part of me behind. I was letting go. Leaving behind that part of myself that was old and brown. That part of me that was fake and tainted. It was a weight off of my shoulders. I felt light and truly free. I hadn't felt like this since I was a little child. I heard the frogs' songs get louder and more insistent. They were calling to me. All of nature was calling to me. The frogs were just the most vocal about it. I felt the birds silently calling to me. The wet, cold, clean dewy grass was calling for me to take just another step then one more. It was beaconing me to come deeper to follow till the end. To become pure and clean like it. It promised that every step I took would wash away part of that old, brown, fake part of me. So I did. I took those steps it talked about. One after another I put one foot in front of the other. My feet sunk into the grass. The breeze whispered encouragements in my ears. I let go of myself and just followed. Soon I came to the edge of my lawn. I look back and saw my house. I saw the life I had lived. I saw what I was letting go of. I'm not going to say I didn't think about ignoring the pull and going back to what and who I was, because I did. I looked back and I saw the faces of those I loved. I saw what I would be leaving behind. I would leave my cats. My wonderful loving cats. I would leave behind my parents. Who only thought of me and my sister and brothers. My best friends. Those who had stuck by me for years. Through thick and thin. Each year growing along with me. I thought about those I might never meet. Those who would help shape and form who I might someday be. I thought about the lives I might one day save if I followed the path others had chosen for me. Then I looked forward into the night. Into where nature was beaconing me to go. Where the frogs were singing and the birds were sitting. Where the grass guided and where the breeze whispered of. I felt the clean, peacefulness once again. With one last look back I said good bye. I silently told my family how much I loved them. I let go of what I could be and what I was. I let go of that dry, brown, tainted, fake part of me that was only a shell. I took that extra step. I stepped outside of my yard and into the unknown. I let that fake part go. I stepped into myself that day. I won't say I don't regret it sometimes. We all regret things sometimes. But I know it was for the best. It was what I was meant to do. I am all I was meant to be. I left behind my life and I let the grass pull me deeper. I let the breezes whispered encouragement lead me to a new life. I left my life behind me. The frogs sang for me while the birds watched over me. The grass embraced me and the wind hugged me. I was loved and nature wanted to let me know. My family looked for me and I watched them. I saw
My sisters grow up and have children of their own. I saw my brothers get into trouble and become proud fathers. They talked about me years after I left. I saw the love on their faces when they talked about the crazy things I had done. I watched soon after I left as my parents looked through my stuff trying to find clues. They found my diaries and my musing. I saw
The tears in their eyes as they read about who I was inside. I watched as the realized that they didn't really know me anymore. That I had changed and they had stayed behind. I saw when my parents grew old and kept asking to me. I wanted to go to them just once tell them I was okay. That I had followed myself. That I had left myself behind that night so I could become who I was meant to be. It hurt that I couldn't. Soon I had to watch as my parents died and joined the earth. As they joined the cycle of life all over again. Then I watched as my sisters and brothers grew old and their children found spouses and had children growing older themselves. I again had to watch as those I'd left behind grew old and eventually died themselves. I never grew old yet I watched as those I loved were born and later perished. Leaving behind those that grieved for them. Soon my stories were lost through time. Soon I was forgotten. Years went by and I continued to watch. Even though they had forgotten me I hadn't forgotten them. I stood from beyond the porch lights and watched as they continued traditions from long lost years. My family had stopped looking for me years ago so I didn't need to worry about leaving traces behind anymore. Each generation I watched grew farther away from nature. I knew someday they'd come back to the old ways. Each year that they grew farther away from the nature that had called me and embraced me so compellingly it grew quieter around me. I could feel the sadness in the soil. The frogs no longer sang their happy songs. The birds no longer sat around solemnly watching from above me. The fish no longer bubbled in the lake near my house. The grass was no longer green and welcoming. No longer beaconing me to come deeper. The wind's whispers were no longer encouraging. Nature was dieing. I knew that I too would die when nature finally gave up. It was my fate. I was irreversibly entwined with nature. My fate was natures fate. I was a part of it. That day when I stepped off the porch and took that final fateful step past the edge of my lawn. That was the day I sealed my fate.
