It's funny, the things you associate with a person. The way your skin felt as my hands stroked yours, or the way you shivered violently in the cold. Do normal people remember those things? Some days I wish I didn't remember the way we would pull away from each other and your blue eyes would gaze into mine. Your dark blue eyes smiling with love, and sometimes filled with the tears that I knew you wouldn't cry in front of me. I remember the warmth of you, and the way you smelled. I hate remembering. Remembering you means that you were real, it means remembering how much I loved you. It hurts to know that you aren't here anymore, that I can't stroke your cheek, or speak soft words into your ear. I remember clearly the first time I said, "I love you". I remember clearly the last time you breathed the same words into my ear as you cradled me in your arms.
I didn't believe in soulmates, true love, or fate, until I met you. I never asked you, but, did I make you believe in those things too? Some people say that there is one person that's meant for you, one person that fits you perfectly. You were my other half, you were the air that I breathed. I know that it all sounds cliche, but the cliches are the truth.
I could lost in your eyes, their innocence was alluring. You would look at me and I would just know how much you cared about me, how much you needed me and how much you loved me. I can only hope that when you looked into my troubled eyes, that you saw the same thing.
I sit in my room now, remembering how we used to laugh. Remembering all the movies we would watch, and how we would howl with laughter at the most awkward parts, and blush at the most intimate. I hug your favorite sweater, the black one, close to my chest, letting your every scent wash over me. I haven't washed it, not in this last month that we've been apart, because I can't bear to wash you away. I just wish I still had your smile. I haven't smiled since I lost it. Your smile was the only one that could make my heart pound, my palms grow sweaty and my face break into a grin. Heck, thinking about your smile, your crinkles and your twinkling eyes, still makes me a little giddy.
I miss you. I don't know where you are right now, but I hope you're happier. I hope that you're resting in peace. I know that right now I'm a mess and that my tears flow freely day after day, and that I stare at pictures of you way too often and I might curse God for taking you away from me, but I'll be okay. I need a little time to heal, but I know that you would want me to be happy, so I will be. After I grieve I will smile every day, and that smile will be just for you. It will be my message to you.
You aren't on this earth anymore and that makes me sad. You can't hold me when I cry and you can't make me laugh until my sides hurt, and that causes a great loss in my heart. You are not here, but you will stay in my soul, my heart and my memories forever. I love you. I love you. I love you.
