My Real Life story in action

Chapter 5- Deeper Convos

Well things got even closer between me and Timothy. he wanted me to come over more often and be with him more often. I got the feeling that iw as like his little wife. It was actually a good feeling though. The fear we had before had totally dissipated. We were letting things flow. But of course things can't always be that simple

My mom now was becoming very worried she started to act funny towards me. This one night was a good example. it was saturday and instead of going to church I stayed home. i cleaned up around the house expecting to just chill at home and be bored. Timothy texts me and starts asking me weird questions like where am I and if i'm doing anything later. Weird right? Well then he says

" So if you were here I would have taken you to the movies and then we could have gotten something to eat." This is the strange way he asks me out. rather than just asking "wanna go to the movies" Men are weird we will never understand them

So I say "I'd love to go to the movies!" I texted my mom right away letting her know and started to get ready. I had to make my crazy curly natural hair somehow look cute and then proceeded to slap make up on my face until I looked decent. he was outside my door waiting for me patiently and we went out. Well because I did that my mom was not very happy about it. She was angry i didn't go to church just so I could go to the movies

You see in her mind, I had planned this whole thing out to run out and enjoy my day with a man forgetting all my morals and other important things in life. But it was just something spontaneous I guess hew wouldn't understand that. this little incident started a HUGE fight between my mother and I. It was just too much to handle.

My mom is extremely protective of me and strict, it never lets up I'm 2y6 now it still hasn't let up. I'm in a nice cozy cage until I graduate. I feel like its too much for me sometimes I just want to go out and have fun but I can't because my mom only knows three places, home school and church. Anything other than that is trouble. No matter how much good I have done its not enough. I have to follow her exact rules. it can be so suffocating.

well a week went by and she never talked to me after that day. I was so pissed annoyed and I had to ignore it because I was in school and taking exams if I had let it get to me I think I might have failed all my classes. I'm so emotional and sensitive it hurt me but somehow I got through. I guess I was stronger than I thought. Well after a whole week had went by and I took my exams I confronted her and asked why she wasn't talking to me she told me she did;t want to talk about it. well finally after proving and asking over and over each day she finally told me and we both exploded.

I know she wants the best for me but I also want to be able to be free and be trusted. The basic thing I got was that she doesn't want me to get pregnant or let a man come between me getting m degree and career. Which I understood, but I had to translate it through all the screaming crying and hell that broke loose in the house. The tension was so bad that I had to call Timothy and my close friend telling them what happened

Normally I let things sit in m brain and I don't tell anyone because I hate bing a bother, or hate people thinking that I'm always the victim. So I keep it to myself until it burns and eats at me. I almost didn't make it with that technique. I tried exercising I tried talking to strangers online about it. Nothing helped the tension kept building. It was at a point where when I woke up in the morning I felt that I couldn't breathe I felt like things were closing in on me. My anxiety was acting up again.

When I told Timothy and my friend about it they both told me it wasn't right. Timothy was so worried about em he called me twice that day and texted me through the night. He was not happy about what m mom was doing. I always wanted to keep what my mom said a secret so that he wouldn't feel that she hates him but it was too much. And i only trusted a few people and he was one of them. Well after telling my find she also told me what she was doing was wrong and that she would pray for me, which brought me such comfort. Its not easy growing up I know there are so many things out there. but when she used to be so strict before I did things behind her back. Now that I'm being truthful she won't let me breathe literally.

Well somehow things calmed down and I told Timothy that he can come to my house but i can't go out with him. I know right sucks. But he understand what I'm dealing with and I'm not holding the burden anymore alone.

I'm just thankful for the friend's God left me with and has given to me. I don't have many but the ones I have mean the world to me. ( I just texted the people I loved the most, except for Timothy he would probably think I was crazy). My battles are inside me most of the time and trying to regulate it has been hard, these few people have really helped me and I am grateful for it.