My Real Life story in action

Chapter 3- The Middle

From this point on, it was an internal battle within me. I would constantly set my self up to fail. how can someone so hot be into me... yeah thats right me. I mean just look at me I'm short pudgy and I don't even know my own self worth.

It was during this point that i realized that I wasn;'t the only one scared but that he was too. He liked me but didn't want to move to fast. I was so insecure that i would have been relieved if he would leave me like the other dim witted guys did. But he didn't . I found myself constantly arguing with him about dumb stuff but there was this one argument that we had and it was our last stupid little fight.

I had called him earlier and he was doing laundry one of his favorite chores. he told me he was busy and that he would call me back later. Well hours passed and he didn't so i decided to call him. only to get Jerk face Timothy on the phone and not the real Timothy.

"Hey how did that laundry go?"

"Fine."

"Okay, well I thought you said you would call me back."

"well, I didn't" he said it with such a stern voice that I had no idea how to reply back. it was like I was a robot and my system malfunctioned because eI couldn't compute what he just told me.

My mind went completely blank. My soul left my body. I was sure I was dead. What did i do to deserve such harshness from him. He must have had a bad day. OR maybe he wasn't feeling good. Being me I already had horrible;e self esteem I Was for sure it was me. I was for sure that my ugliness had turned him into a raining lion. the phone was awkwardly silent. I tried not to hang up, until he broke the silence. We talked about nonsense stuff and kind of just passed over the fact that he talked to me like I was his pet. However, my thoughts just went rolling after we hung up.

I decided to not call him anymore and take a break hoping that he would just forget about me and forget this whole stupid thing. I was right, there was no way this guy could like me. I guess I'm just too needy. A few days pass and he texts me.

'Sheesh' I thought to myself this guy just won't let up. "Just leave me alone already, you obviously don't like me let me go!' I only wish I had texted that back but of course you would need a back bone to do that. I never confront ed him but I promised myself if he ever did it again I would and would never speak with him again.

we texted normally again but it was like starting over again, I no longer trusted him with my feelings because my fragile heart saw that it could be crushed by a few simple words. I stopped caring I stopped giving my all. I had already given up hope. And I think he noticed it in me.

He made more efforts to come and see me and hang out with me which I liked. But that only made things worse for my mom she wanted me to spend less time. Not because she didn't like him but she wanted to protect me from men. It's like a battle field but every woman has to be able to do it. I can't be protected forever.

WE began to be close again but of course I Was still cautious. I could see that he liked me through his actions but i needed confirmation in words. being able to hear him say things seems to be a big thing for me apparently. I texted him that and he told me the most dumb line.

"Don't actions speak louder than words? Why do you want me to say it if you already see it. This is the type of stuff that always pushes me away."

Now if he only saw the face I made when he texted me that. I was seconds, I'm mean seconds away form telling him to hit the road. I don't ask for much and when I do, it's a task. "So BYE" I wanted to say so desperately. but instead I was enlightened.

"why is it bad that I want to hear you say you like me. So now because I'm asking you to express yourself to me. Your being pushed away"

He paused for a second to think, I imagine. In my m ind this response was everything if he was going to say yes. I was going to say BYE.

"Well yeah I see where you are coming from." 'Well no duh,' I thought I was actually hoping he would say yes so i would stop liking him and be done with this. But no, he actually thought before he spoke. Darn it.

Anyway that was the last dumb fight. We had which I am pleased about I hated those stupid little things. It happened because we were both scared though he will never admit. I know he was. because being with me is not just a hit it and quit it deal. Its about caring its about love and finalization. If thats not what you want than I'm not with it. But if you are call me. haha.