THE WATTPAD WRITERS RANT

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List of things writers on here do that bug the crap out of me :-)

 

 

This is part one...I'll make more parts, but I don't want you to be subjected to too many heinous things Wattpad writers do all at once. Don't get offended if you do any of these things...I'm sure I do plenty of them as well. :-)

 

Video on the side made me LOL. She's got some good points, but I couldn't stop laughing about the homeless cat thing...

 

Now, onto the important stuff...

 

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1) The use of 'OMG' or 'TTYL' in regular speech for their characters. It always makes me feel like I've apparated into a Barbie commercial. Kudos to awesome people who get that Harry Potter reference.

 

 

2) When the first line is "Hi. I'm Sally. I'm brunette with bright blue eyes and I'm curvy in all the right places. I'm the perfect height and I have tan skin that shines in the sunlight with no blemishes and my teeth are a perfect pearly white...I'm not an attractive person though." Dude, you just described your character in an unprofessional way, not to mention describing them as an Italian supermodel. You're not allowed to call them ugly!

 

 

3) Have a character describe a product with complete accuracy...so much so, the inventor couldn't be more detailed. For example: 'I walked to my 1997 glossed black, V6 motored, 36 miles to the gallon Honda Civic model code 65438459050278.' I fell asleep reading mid-sentence, and yes, I randomly moved my fingers over the numbers on my keyboard to produce that model code...

 

 

4) When the character is bullied for no reason or are bullied in a completely unrealistic way. Example:" Ever since I was in second grade, all the other students have picked on me. I think it was because I was a bookworm and wore glasses. Now, I'm in high school, and things haven't changed. Crystal, the queen bee of the school walked up to me, slapping me in the face. 'You loser! Why didn't you do my homework last night! Gosh you're so stupid! Rachel and Hannah, through this idiot in the dumpster!'' Yeah, because things like this always happen in real life (sarcasm). Not even in my half-nerdy half-ghetto school do things like that happen. Usually if someone is getting bullied, it means another guy is about to 'bust a cap'.

 

 

5) There is always a frickin' 'head Barbie witch' or a complete 'bimbo' that has the guy in the beginning. No worries, the main character will always snag him from her by the second chapter. :P

 

 

6) When there is no capitalization. Example: 'davy and i went to the park. we played in the sand box. i went on the swings and waved to our friend kyle when he walked by asking me if i had any juice.' Look noob, you didn't even capitalize the letter ' i '. You didn't capitalize what you refer to yourself with on a daily basis. FAIL. No dessert for you!

 

 

7) When nothing is spelled right...example: 'WEE want to the amusmnt pawk befo skuul bicuz wee winted 2 goo on da rolrcostrr.' I'm not blind, but I'm pretty sure I can read Braille better than I can pronounce anything in that sentence.

 

 

8) When lyrics to a song take up the first 6 pages of the story. Seriously, if you were inspired by the song to write the story, that's cool. Still, that doesn't mean I want to read 'We Didn't Start the Fire' by Billy Joel before the story begins. Please, just post the song in a youtube video to the side, or I'll start a fire on my computer.

 

 

9) RUN ON SENTENCES MAKE ME WANT TO EAT A LOT OF FOOD, GET FAT, AND MOVE TO NEW YORK. I'LL BECOME THE FIRST SUPER-SIZED MODEL. Example: I loved going to the mall because my favorite store called 'Heidi's Hide Out' has the most amazing clothes like jeans and t-shirts and shoes and socks and hats and underwear and scarves and cute guys work there that always try to flirt with me because I'm so absolutely gorgeous and I shop at 'Heidi's'.

 

 

10) When every story on the planet starts with an alarm clock. I hate alarm clocks. In the morning, I feel like bashing my own with a sledge hammer. Therefore, I don't want to hear about one in your character's bedroom. The first thing to discuss in a story shouldn't be something the reader hates (unless it's something that is not boring and not cliche). If I wanted to discuss how much I hate something at the beginning of a story, I'd talk about Lady Gaga for the first three paragraphs. She dresses weird...I don't like her.

 

 

11) When every romance is them falling in love with their best friend, brother's best friend, or their best friend's brother. Do you see a reoccurring theme here? Nah, me neither.

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