Hear Your God Speaking

Intro

I'm sick and just a puff and a sniff can't make me feel much worse than this

Up and high in the brain I go, What's your name? I don't know.

Living like this is all to life, why am I here?

Feeling like segregation wasn't only part of the past

I feel I'm segregated with the rest of the world, I feel like I'm hated

I lost all trust, vulnerability, worth, and my virginity

Shut up mom, God has no plan for me.

I see it in my life and hate to go to sleep

It's in my dreams, what goes up and what goes down, haunting me

It swooped in like a thief shutting the lights off, silencing my screams.

Darkness is even in the tall walls I've built all around me

There it is, and that's all to it

A screwed up world and if Jesus was good and just a human

We killed him and told him there was no place for him.

Shedding blood, now it's all over your hands

For the first time in a long time, she looked into the mirror. This person she was looking at wasn't anyone she recognized. Of course, physically there were no changes, but mentally her mentality had a different view of the world. The way she thought of herself when she'd looked at her reflection, was pleasing, satisfied, and happy. Now at the moment she'd look at herself and it was like she didn't know who she was looking at. It was like her soul had been placed into a foreign body. She loves to lose herself in things that didn't matter at all, because as long as she was outta this world, as long as she could live in her fantasies, she could drift away from reality. Her world had caved in and before she could be engulfed in the flames of hell with all those who did her wrong, she'd flee. Using her mind and music as her sanctuary any means possible to stray from reality. It sounds nice to escape and leave your problems behind ... No, they'd never leave, they're here to stay. Here they'd plant a seed in our hand then take root and grow and branch out in every part of our lives. She couldn't stay there and look at herself for long. She was beginning to settle in and take in the moment when each and every one of them stole pieces of her heart. They didn't leave anything left, but with her wandering around trying to find herself in the things that'll never define her worth. She was lost and it wasn't for a long time until she could be able to say that she was found again.

She lay there in her bed looking up at the ceiling and listening to her music. She had both earbuds in and the volume on high on her phone, listening to Eminem. She needed a song that said a statement that even though life was screwed up, she wanted to embrace the feeling of being angry. She hated being angry but loved how her music got her all fired up to the point where nothing even mattered anymore. She was going to seek revenge by only making those feel how she felt. She may have forgotten what you said then, but she could never forget how they'd made her feel. At her own time when she was ready, she'd slip on her shoes and go downstairs for dinner. More than anything she was grateful for her friends and family. For a while, she couldn't help but feel bothered by how they weren't there to get her out of her situation. That summer when she overheard her parents in the kitchen one midnight, she heard her mother say she actually did have guilt hanging over her head.

" .... God is truly testing me, Vincent. I can't help but to feel what she feels, and want to cry when she cries. I look at her and it's like someone swooped in and ripped her heart out. I rather had been me than her. I love and we give our all to our children, and there is nothing like losing the ones you love more than yourself. Nothing hurts more than trying to protect them from the world when you know you just can't. The world will always find more ways to hurt them, then ways you can protect them. I am so broken and ashamed, and I feel like I lost my little girl, God knows who she was and I pray that he can make her stronger than she used to be to overcome this. I have to do all that I can to make this situation strengthen her rather than destroy her because I could lose her forever." Brokenness