chapter xxii

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Chapter 21

They Don’t Believe In Us

I gasped, and by now had the full attention of all five people, including Gerard – who looked ashamed.

I extended my hand, and knew that even in the dim light of ‘Bert’s Comics’ you could clearly see the drying liquid.

My heart raced, and I could hear all of us breathing heavily.

That’s when Mikey burst into tears.

“Shit, shit, shit.” I mumbled, not sure whether to comfort Mikey or Gerard. I was never good in social situations; why doesn’t God understand that?!

Alicia grabbed onto Mikey, which left me, Frank and Jamia stood there cluelessly. Frank was still slightly keeping Gerard steady, but his grip had loosened drastically and we were all just staring disbelievingly.

“Oh Gerard,” Frank breathed, tenderly wrapping his arms around the slightly confused and slightly hung over Gerard.

“Oh Gee,” Jamia joined in hugging Gerard too. I looked deeply into his eyes, finding hurt, pain and tiredness in his hazel orbs.

“Group hug,” I muttered more to myself than anyone else, and also wrapped my arms around the fragile boy, it reminded me of that first day I had met him at high school, where we had both spilled our emotions out to each other - strangely, in a store cupboard – and then I had hugged him after, it was a fragile ‘broken’ person hug, quite like this one.

I thought the days of the unhappy sixteen year old boy I had met all those months ago was gone. Oh how wrong I was.

I noticed Mikey was still silently crying, but him and Alicia came over to contribute in the delicate cluster that we had made around Gerard.

If emotions were objects, we’d be drowning in them right now. They’d be pouring out of us like blood from a wound.

“Stop your crying, helpless feeling, dry your eyes and start believing.” Gerard whispered his gaze fixed on Mikey.

“I am so sorry,” He looked sadly at all of us, once the hug had been broken, “I-I’m sorry, please forgive me.” He looked so small and scared; nobody deserved to feel like this, even if only for a second and especially not for a long period of time.

“Gerard, never say that, ever. We don’t blame you for what you’ve done, we don’t blame anyone,” Even Lindsey I added in my head. “We love you, and we understand what happened, why? We don’t know, but you’re hurt I understand that, never say sorry for what you did yesterday, nobody blames you just remember that. Always remember that.” I smiled, even though I felt sadness – I had to stay strong for everyone, especially Gerard.

“T-thanks Hope, I didn’t mean to drink all that I did, it felt better and kept the darkness away, or maybe it just brought it closer, but I never wanted to kill myself, never think that… I just wanted to hurt myself, for failing her.”

“Oh Gerard, baby!” Jamia cut in, “You haven’t failed her,Her being Lindsey, “Please don’t do it again Gerard, I know that alcohol can consume the brain and make you think saddening thoughts, and you may be young, but I understand how much you can love someone, even if you truly don’t know what ‘love’ is yet.”

“I want to thank all of you so much, I-I wasn’t thinking straight I guess, I know it won’t get easier,” He sighed deeply, “But we’re young, and thanks Jamia, but maybe I am too young to understand love I could be over exaggerating.”

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