Trampled Innocence

KABANATA II

The drive towards the hospital was quiet and awkward. Damon held my hand while his other hand was on the steering wheel. I tried to ignore the way my heart raced with his simple gestures. Hindi dapat ako masanay na ganito siya sa akin, dahil sa oras na gumaling si Tatay ay matatapos na rin kung ano man ang naging ugnayan namin. I am only here because I need him for my father's treatment. I am his sex slave, nothing else. Hindi ko dapat bigyan ng kakaibang kulay ang mva pinapakita niya sa akin.

"Is there a problem?" he asked. He brought my hand into his lips, kissing it gently. Para akong nakuryente sa nang dumampi ang labi niya sa balat ko.

"W-Wala..." I reluctantly replied.

"Hmmm... Are you thinking about what happened last night? Don't worry, it won't be the last," he said in a teasing voice. Agad akong pinamulahan ng mukha sa sinabi niya.

"H-hindi... I was just thinking about Tatay," I lied. Ngunit sa isang bahagi ng isipan ko ay totoo iyon. I kept on thinking about my father, and I'm so worried. It's been a month, but he's still not awake. According to the doctor, he may or may no longer wake up. Pero hindi ko kayang isipin na hindi na siya magigising. Hindi ko kayang isipin na hindi ko na siya makikitang nakangiti, o maririnig ang boses niyang puno ng pag-aalala. If that happens, I might as well die with him. Walang kwenta ang mga pangarap ko kung mawawala ang tanging tao na pinag-alayan ko nito.

My father was my everything. Siya lang ang nakagisnan kong magulang dahil namatay ang aking ina noong pinanganak niya ako. Wala na rin akong kilala pa na iba naming kamag-anak. Mahirap lang ang buhay namin, at sa murang edad ay tinatak ko na sa isipan ko na gagawin ko ang lahat para mabigyan ng magandang buhay si Tatay. My dreams were all for him. Kaya rin ako nagsusumikap sa pag-aaral dahil gusto kong maging proud siya sa akin. Gusto kong maibigay sa kanya ang buhay na deserve niya. Simula nang bata pa ako ay ginawa niya ang lahat para mabigyan ako ng maayos na buhay, kahit pa madalas kaming kapos sa pera.

I never heard of him complaining about how tired he was, or if he's lonely. Palagi siyang nakangiti sa akin. Despite the smile on his face, the thin lines on his forehead told me he was weary. He never showed it to me, but I felt how tired he was. Sa kabila ng mainit na sikat ng araw, o lamig ng ulan, hindi siya nagreklamo. Kahit na minsan ay masama ang pakiramdam niya, hindi niya iyon pinakita sa akin dahil ayaw niyang nag-aalala ako. He may be poor, but his heart was rich. And I love him so much, that I was so afraid of losing him.

Kapag nawala si Tatay, magiging pilay ako. Mawawalan ng liwanag at kulay ang buhay ko. Mawawalan ng saysay ang lahat ng paghihirap at pagsasakripisyo ko sa pag-aaral.

"Hey... Stop crying. He will survive. The doctor said he's fighting, right?" Damon wiped the tears that I didn't know was falling. Noon ko rin natanto na nakahinto na pala ang sasakyan sa parking area ng ospital. Ngumiti ako kay Damon kahit na sumasakit ang puso ko.

He held my hand, squeezing it gently. His eyes held my gaze, and ge gave me an encouraging smile. Siguro nga, kailangan ko lang maniwala na mabubuhay si Tatay. After all, he's got the best doctor. "Thank you, Damon. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin ko kung wala ka. Thank you for giving me strength and making me believe, even when I'm almost losing my faith. Thank you for caring about my father." I held his hand, and squeezed it too. Words will never be enough to describe how thankful I am that I met him. Kahit pa iba ang kailangan niya sa akin.

"You don't have to thank me, Cassie. I'm doing this in exchange of your services," he replied. Natahimik naman ako dahil tama siya. Tinutulungan niya ako kapalit ako. We had an agreement that I will stay in his house, so he can 'fuck' me whenever he wants to. I looked away from him. "Kahit na, Damon. It doesn't really matter, I'd always do everything for my father. Kahit ano pa ang kapalit."