Darkest Fears

Chapter One

Chapter One:

I’m scared. Please come home.

My finger hovered over the send button on my phone. I didn’t want to send it just to get no response. Not again.

I sighed hitting the backspace and deleting the message for what felt like the millionth time. I couldn’t do it. I felt so pathetic. Tossing my phone to the floor I curled into myself, hugging my knees close to my chest.

I felt completely alone. Pressing my forehead into my knees, I forced back the tears that wanted to escape.

Tomorrow. I promised myself. Tomorrow things would be so much better.

I was only scared because it was dark.

I closed my eyes, willing for sleep to come. But it wouldn’t. I could hear the sound of the wind, straining against my window, mixed with the sounds of heavy raindrops, that were both drowned out by the occasional roar of thunder.

“So stupid.” I mumbled under my breath.

This was such a stupid, cliché fear, and I hated it. I knew nothing bad was going to happen. But that didn’t stop my heart hammering in my chest whenever there was a clap of thunder, or when the dim light pushing through the thin curtains, which had been left open just a crack, caused the shadows to move.

I wanted to get up and turn the lights on, but I was too scared that my dad would somehow find out, and give me a beating for it.

Another illogical fear. He was out drinking, and he probably wouldn’t be home for a few days, and he definitely wouldn’t be home tonight. But the fear still paralysed me.

 I tried to calm my racing heartbeat. 

“You’re a big girl now, Kayleigh. Grow the hell up, and act like it.” I quietly repeated the words my mother would always say when I told her I was scared of the dark.

She was right. I was eight years old now, and I had to get over my fear at some point. But the logic didn’t seem to stop my heart from racing, or palms from sweating in fear.

I ended up staying awake all night, repeating the same words over and over to myself, at the same time hoping that someone would come home and find me so I wasn’t alone in the dark anymore.

No one ever did.

You’re a big girl now, Kayleigh. Grow the hell up, and act like it.         

-_-_-_-_-_-

9 Years Later:

“Kayleigh are you okay?” Marcy’s concerned face was hovering above me. I nodded shakily, taking the glass of water that was being held out to me with a wobbly smile, trying to assure everyone that I was okay.

“I’m sorry Kayleigh, I didn’t think you would react this badly.”  Lola piped up.

I smiled bitterly. Of course they didn’t see it coming. It wasn’t a normal reaction to have a panic attack when someone threw you a surprise birthday party. I pressed my free hand, that wasn’t holding the cup firmly on to my leg, trying to stop shaking, or at least make it less noticeable.

“I’m not good with surprises.” I mumbled, staring at the floor. I felt so crowded. It was almost suffocating. Everyone in the restaurant – all the people I worked with – they were all staring at me.

I pressed my palm deeper into my thigh, letting my nails dig in.

They have reasons to stare. I was a freak. I messed everything up. I looked up at the ruined party. They had gone through so much effort. It must have taken hours to blow up all the balloons, stick up all the banners, and prepare all the food. My eyes flickered to the three-story cake. It was beautifully decorated and I recognised Pam’s, the cook of Blue Diamond, hard work.