Chapter 39.

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Chapter 39.

Tan.

He was frowning.  

Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ako o malulungkot habang tinitignan ko ang natutulog na pigura na Miguel. Really, who frowns in their sleep?

Miguel Angelo Tan, obviously.

I've been staring at him for hours. Anytime ay sisikat na ang araw ngunit hindi na ako makatulog pa. Not after that dream. No.

Nakakunot ang mga noo niya at magkasalubong ang mga kilay. He didn't look peaceful. Pati ba naman sa pagtulog ay galit pa rin ito? Infact, he looked unapproachable and intimidating but no less handsome. No surprises there, I guess.

I've been itching to caress his face with my hands, press a soothing hand on his forehead and ease whatever it is that troubles him. I wanted to brush my thumb against his cheeks—the one that wasn't pressed against the pillow. But of course, it would probably wake him.

Kaya naman pinilit kong makuntento na lamang sa pagtitig. I listened to the soft sound of his breathing and the faint, rhythmic beating of his heart. Katulad nang kay Alex ay parang musika iyon sa aking tainga.

Hindi ko na ring mapigilang alalahanin ang mga sinabi niya kagabi.

"I want you. I want us."

Did he really want that? Can he really forgive me? He deserve so much better. I couldn't help but feel something wonderful. It was warm and full of possibility of something rich and rewarding. I could still hope.

I continued to stare at his troubled face, something broken inside me started cutting deep.

Because it became clear to me that this Miguel isn't the same as before.

This Miguel had demons.

Demons na dahilan kung bakit siya ganito ngayon. And I had to get through them, break them.

I closed my eyes at may kung anong bikig ang bumara sa aking lalamunan.

I knew them.

I knew.

Because I'm the one who made them. I made him like that.

And I knew

Because I also have them.

Masyado silang marami akala ko sila na lang ang bumubuo sa akin.

So paano aalisin iyon kay Miguel kung hindi ko 'yon maalis sa sarili ko?

Naramdaman kong gumalaw si Miguel kaya naman napadilat ako. Nakita kong mas kumunot pa ang noo niya at nagulat ako nang bigla niyang hinapit ang baywang ko at hinapit sa kanya, tangling with mine. Napasubsob pa ang mukha ko sa matipuno niyang dibdib. I felt a tingle slide up my spine.

I lifted my head to see he was still sleeping.

And I watched, slowly, as his face soften. Nawala ang mga guhit sa kanyang noo at ang pagsasalubong ng kanyang mga kilay. He now looked relaxed and... content.

Then I felt it again, that wonderful feeling. This time, I allowed it to move through me, lightening the tightness in my chest., his body making me feel safe. At kahit papaano'y nabawasan ang lahat ng bigat at takot sa katawan ko.

Dahan-dahan 'kong inangat ang mga labi ko and softly kissed his jaw, hindi alintana ang mga stubbles nito. I whispered, "I'm sorry it took me this long but right now, im willing to take a risk. You wanted this fucked up, frail girl. Well, you got her. You got me. And... and... our son. Ipapakilala ko na siya sa'yo, Miguel. I'm really sorry." Huminto ako at hinayaang pumatak ang luha mula sa aking mga mata. "One day, Miguel, you'd forgive me and I hope I'm there when you do."

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