Which animal shouldn't you play cards with?
Cheetah
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9. (7 ate 9)
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be a bagel.
Where was the first french fries made?
In grease!
What type of dance does a squirrel like to dance to?
The nut cracker!
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A pork chop!
How can you tell the difference between a dogwood tree and a regular tree?
By its bark!
What goes around the world but stays in a corner?
A stamp.
Why do barbers make good drivers??
Because they know all the short cuts!!!!!
What do you call witches that live together?
BROOM MATES
Why was the lettuce blushing?
It saw the salad dressing!
One day a woman kept on running out of her house to go to her mailbox. Then her next door neighbor saw her. So the next time she came out he asked, "Why do you keep coming out to look in your mailbox?"
She said, "My computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"
Why did the soccer coach give his team lighters?
Because they were losing all their matches.
What's a twip?
A twip is what a wabbit takes when he wides a twain!

Why can't you tell a secret in a corn field?
Because there are too many ears
Why do eggs go to the gym?
to get eggs-ercise
What do you give an alligator when it needs help?
GATOR-aid!!!
What did the floor say to the dresser?
I see your drawers!!!!!!!
What's a vampire's favorite candy ?
A sucker!
If you had 3 seconds to live, what wold you eat?
A lifesavor!!!
Why did the man run around his bed?
Because he wanted to catch some sleep.

What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, he just let out a little "wine"
What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?
Time to get a new one!
Why did the frog cross the road?
It was the chicken's day off.
What did the judge say when a skunk walked in to the court room?
ODOR in the court!!!!!!
Why shouldn't you tell riddles while ice-skating?
Because the ice might crack up
What letter is missing?
o-t-t-f-f-s-s- ?
Why does E.T. have such big eyes?
You would too, if you saw his phone bill!
Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one!

Why did the football coach go to the bank?
So he could ge his quarter back!
Why did the baseball coach go to the baker?
So he could get his batter!
Why did the lady throw the clock out the window?
So she could see time-fly!
Why did the lady throw butter out the window?
To see a butter- fly!
Why did the mosquito stay up late at night?
To study for his BLOOD TEST!
Why was the basketball court all wet?
Because the players "dribbled" all over it!
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts!
What time do you go to the dentist?
Tooth-Hurty!
Why did Mickey Mouse get hit by a pie?
Because Donald Ducked!
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What did Delaware?
Her New Jersey!
What was a trees favorite drink?
Root beer
What do you call a lesbian in alaska?
A Klondyke
What do you call an Apple?
An apple
Whats the fastest way to get to the emergency room?
Run infront of a car?
Your like a bowling ball. You get picked up, fingered and put back into the gutter.
Your like a bubble gum machine. 25 cents a blow!
Is your refrigerator running? THen you better go catch it.
If mississippi wore her New Jersey, what did delaware? I don't know but alaska!